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“I Lost Fear of Losing What I Never Wanted to Lose Forever” by Lumina H.
“I Lost Fear of Losing What I Never Wanted to Lose Forever” by Lumina H. Once upon a time, in my worst nightmare I screamed in the middle of the night “Don’t Leave Me!” Fear of being abandoned Fear of being rejected Fear of being replaced Horror strikes like lightning Blitz, Blitz, Blitz Every thunder of anxiety electrocuted me I’ve been punched, kicked and screamed at I know all too well how it feels to be treated like dirt I’ve been to hell and back, both inside and outside my head. So what I feared most in this world Was you, of you turning your back on me Never to return, ever. Fear brought anxiety, pain, worry, stress, anger, fury, insomnia and finally tears Buckets, trucks, pools of tears Gradually my tears filled up a swimming pool And in my swimming pool of tears I drowned myself And I needed a CPR But no one came… The water was still trapped in my lungs And I forgot how to breath, how to live I was dying I had seconds to live Could I live again? Could anyone give me new life? Could anyone revive me? Somebody… Anybody… Please help me… In my desperate need, I pleaded, prayed and hoped And then, right then Someone did come to my rescue But He wasn’t you He was unexpected While you left me drowning He came with a thousand letters of love and care I didn’t know Him He was a stranger to me But to him, I was no stranger He had been waiting for me all along He watched me dive into the ocean of tears He watched me as I sunk deeper into the sea of sorrow He always wanted to help me, to save me He never wanted me to drown myself, never He wanted me to live To live without Fear. To live without Fear of abandonment To live without Fear of rejection To live without Fear of replacement To live bravely, fearlessly, hopefully, gratefully To live honestly, courageously, earnestly, kindly To live with everything I had replaced with fear He breathed new air into my lungs Water came spluttering out of my throat My heart started beating again I could feel the blood rushing faster in my veins I’m alive! I’m alive! I’m alive! I’ve been Saved! Saved! Saved! My new savior will show me ways not to be afraid of losing you I’ve already lost you once And from now he will show me never to fear Losing you again and again Because in the far future Fast forward to many years later Here I am The future me said “I lost fear of losing what I never wanted to lose forever” “I lost fear of losing you, who I never wanted to lose, never” So today I wait, I hope, I run, I believe, I trust Towards that future of losing fear of losing you.
Happy New Year Messages and Quotes 2021
Happy New Year Wishes Wishing you the happiest new year ahead. May you feel all the love and fond moments with a lot of fun. Happy New Year! Wishing a very glorious happy new year to the one who always adds sunshine and love to our family. May the New Year bring joy and happiness to you and your lovely family. Have a blessed Happy New Year! Celebrate this New Year with our special friendship bond and makes it stronger. Happy New Year to you, dear, friend! Many thanks for making this last year so extraordinary for me. I wish that the coming year will be as exceptional as you. The happiest New Year! Wishing you and your beautiful family an awesome Happy New Year! May all you get everything you desired for. For more such content myhappybirthdays.com My wish this New Year we grow from our challenges, we create the best moments and joyful memories together, no matter that happens, we always there for each other with open arms. Wishing you all my Facebook friends and family a very happy new year. May this new be filled with love, happiness, and fun. May this new year bring new opportunists, new goals, and new happiness, and a lot of new inspiration to your life. Wishing you a year fully loaded with fun and happiness. Happy New Year Quotes “For a new year to bring you something new, make a move, like a butterfly tearing its cocoon! Make a move!” – Mehmet Murat ildan “Approach the New Year with resolve to find the opportunities hidden in each new day.” – Michael Josephson “Drop the last year into the silent limbo of the past. Let it go, for it was imperfect, and thank God that it can go.” – Brooks Atkinson “Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow: The year is going, let him go; Ring out the false, ring in the true.” – Alfred Lord Tennyson “The new year stands before us, like a chapter in a book, waiting to be written. We can help write that story by setting goals.” – Melody Beattie “We will open the book. Its pages are blank. We are going to put words on them ourselves. The book is called Opportunity and its first chapter is New Year’s Day.” – Edith Lovejoy Pierce “We all get the exact same 365 days. The only difference is what we do with them.” – Hillary DePiano “New beginnings are in order, and you are bound to feel some level of excitement as new chances come your way.” – Auliq Ice “For last year’s words belong to last year’s language. And next year’s words await another voice. And to make an end is to make a beginning.” – T.S. Eliot “Let our New Year’s resolution be this: we will be there for one another as fellow members of humanity, in the finest sense of the word.” – Goran Persson “Hope Smiles from the threshold of the year to come, Whispering ‘it will be happier’…” – Alfred Lord Tennyson “New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.” – James Agate
“Dear My Most Beloved, Who was Never Meant to be Mine” by Lumina Han
“Dear My Most Beloved, Who was Never Meant to be Mine” by Lumina Han If I never fell in love with you, I would never have understood how destructive, violent, fierce, powerful, selfish, passionate and dangerous love could really be. You made me realize that I could never genuinely love anyone else besides myself. I could never truly give my everything to others, because I expected to receive more than to give. I craved to possess your soul, body and mind more than to embrace you with an untainted heart. And because you became the drive of my downfall, I grasped the truth that I had to let you go. You taught me that falling in love could become the hardest experience that one could ever handle. Meeting you, Seeing you and falling in love with you has been the greatest thrill. Yet, you became the one beam of light that blinded the pitch darkness that I tried to hide from the world. You taught me that I was incapable of devotionally loving you. To sincerely wish for your happiness without me as a part of your future, was an impossibility. I wanted to take ownership of you than for you to be yourself. Because what I really am, beneath my smiles, is that my world revolves solely on my needs and desires. To burn with such a raging fire in my heart for you has driven me into both insanity and clarity. Insanity, because you have forsaken my logic and judgement in those moments when you snatched away the center of my universe. Clarity, because you have revealed the true dark monster that I beheld deep down inside my soul. You have engulfed me in both hell and heaven, and with you I have been on the most thrilling joy of flying high in the sky. Yet because you became my drug, I fell deep down to the endless depths of the lonely, cold ocean, where I could feel nothing but suffocation and heartache. Through both these highest and lowest moments, I have learnt that it was because you never felt the same way as I did for you, that you changed my life forever. I could never be the same again, not because this love was unrequited, but because through loving you, I learnt that the turmoil of emotions I felt for you, weren`t true love at all. I disguised physical chemistry, infatuation, attraction and lust all in the name of ‘love’. Although no one has ever made me feel this much passion and rage as you have, what I felt for you wasn`t absolute love, but rather my own selfish desires and greed projected on to you. Since you walked into my life, you have shed light on how messed up my view of the world really was. Slowly, through the heart wrenching scars that I bleed from falling too deeply for you, I have apprehended things I could never have learnt had you loved me back. It was because we were never meant to be, that I could change. And because our fates were never meant to collide with each other, my paths have diverged away from you and towards you. While I was running away from you, to escape from your consumating presence, I have told myself a million times over to let go of what was never mine to begin with. When I walked closer to you, God taught me that the intense heat I felt for you would burn both of us alive. Because passion that is too rash and too sudden thinks nothing else but using the other to gratify and satisfy one`s own deep lack and emptiness. You were never born to fill up my hole, my scars and my iniquities. You are born to be you, to be the one whom God designed and planned, to be free and liberal from my obsessive presence. You deserve to love someone who loves you the right way, the sincere, faithful and innocent way, as I never did, as I never could have. You loved her instead of me, because my love for you was too lethal and poisonous for us both. Since the day I met you, our story has taken me on a toxic, venomous, annihilative and catastrophic ride towards an inevitable breakdown. You became my destruction, my road to torn deterioration and collapse. I could no longer envision a happy fairy tale ending between us, because the deadly outburst of covet and affection I felt for you consumed my entire being into a fever of stormy delirium. I was mad, crazy about you, and to me, you were all that I ever wanted, all that ever mattered... But because you were much stronger than I ever was, you kept your feet on the ground, and we never crashed into each other with the same disastrous urge and affection. You were my Romeo, but had I also been your Juliet, our story would have ended us in the same tragedy, an end that would have destroyed us both. I was never the one whom you could, would or should ever love. To mistake even for a second that we were one was my greatest delusion, my wildest fantasy and my most absurd illusion that I ever dreamt. Although we can never be together, our story still ends with hope. Because loving you was God`s greatest lesson, gift and inspiration in my life. And for that I am grateful that God brought us together for this period in our youth. Thank you for being the way you were. Because in everything that you were to me, you have been perfect. You made me a better person, without changing me into anyone other than my true self. I became what God made to become, because God let me meet you, fall for you, and grow closer to him through loving you. And because you have taught me what Christ`s love should be, you will forever remain a special treasure and secret deep in my heart, as my most beloved who was never meant to be mine. Even if our destinies never cross paths in the future, no one will ever replace what you were to me, and what you have made me become. And now, at the ending page of our story, I think I can finally love you the way you always deserved to be loved. I will love you even when you love someone else. I will love you even if you never return my love back to me. Perhaps in the future, I will fall in love again, with someone else besides you. And because of the things you have taught me about God and true love, I will love them more sincerely than I ever loved you. My passion for you will gradually wane and be replaced by a new love. But please know that I would never have been able to give them the love that they deserve, had I never loved you first. You were my first one true love, that changed everything for me. I love you in all your entirety, with or without me as a part of your life. Thank you, for being the beginning sentence, the first chapter and the opening of my love story.
Uprooted
At the beginning of this year I never could have predicted what happened in my own little slice of life. I was your average middle aged woman, working at a grocery, tending to my kids. My life wasn't perfect by any means but we fared well enough as I tried to manage my own mental health. I have heard of events causing a series of events. I had never really seen it clearly happen until this very long year. In March just before the pandemic began in full, my parents announced they were divorcing. This didn't bother me very much. My father is very narcissistic and abused me in several ways growing up in such way that at 30 I am still overcoming. The family began to fall apart. My brothers and I were at odds. Our parents trying to pull us over to sides. All the "fun" parts of a typical divorce. Tensions grew. In July we had our first family gathering since the news. A fight arose and people said horrible things. One brother, under orders of my Father, tried to take my children from my care. I lost my mind for a while. The family fractured even more. I shook myself off and with the aide of legal knowledge and my therapist behind me, I got my children back with ease. They were both shaken and confused. With noticeable signs of neglect from being in my brothers care. Then yet another bombshell dropped and everything began to make sense. The man I knew to be my father....wasn't my father. The family fractured beyond repair. The kids didn't understand what was happening. Suddenly for the first time in my life...I had no family left at my side. It had been the focal point of the vast majority of my life. Now it's gone. So here we are in December, in a broken family environment, barely treading water with painful memories all around us. I decided we needed a fresh start. When our lease here expires, we will move over 800 miles to a new home in a very new place. My determination to give my girls and myself a safer and happier life is stronger than anything I have ever felt. For the first time, I am alone. Its new and terrifying. So that is why I am going to start this collection of thoughts and processes as we venture into this new life. -Magnolia
5 Inspirational Words From Couples Who Decided To Wait
Yes, it's possible. Waiting until marriage that is. To engage in sexually activity. You didn't think so? Well, today is the day you will be proven wrong. Although the idea is foreign to many, according to a thread on Reddit it's more common than you think. With a whopping 1,800 comments, it seems as if waiting until marriage as become the 'it' thing to do. We must keep in mind that it's not a trend, it's a personal decision that should be made between two people. If you've ever considered waiting until marriage or have made a vow to do so, keep scrolling and check out the inspiring stories told by those who have made the courageous decision to simply wait. "Next year will be our 21st anniversary. No complaints at all. Love my wife and have 3 wonderful kids. I would not have done it any other way, was just how I was brought up." —wildhermit "Our relationship is pretty amazing. Even though we saved it for marriage, we were both plenty educated on the mechanics of everything, and neither of us had any weird hang-ups or fears about it. From my perspective, sex is a really personal, spiritual thing and I'm so glad that we've only shared that part of ourselves with each other." —mtdna_array "It's great. I was 29 when we got married. Never regretted waiting for a second." —GreatTragedy "My friend and his wife waited until their marriage to get down. They planned on waiting a few years to have kids. A month later the pregnancy announcement hit Facebook. When I asked him what happened he said, 'My pull out game is not strong.'" —CoolRunner "Things are great in our marriage. We were both virgins when we got married and we have enjoyed our sexual relationship a lot over the last 11 years. More than just the waiting, our ability to respect each other, work together toward common goals, and communicate clearly and kindly has helped us." —HomeFires If you could do it all over again, would you wait? Do you regret your decision of not waiting if you didn't? @marshalledgar @alywoah @TessStevens @keith2web @YourConscience @EasternShell @sophiamor @Arellano1052 @jazziejazz @primodiva93 @buddyesd @danidee @shannonl5 @InVinsybll @MyAffairWith @nicolejb @TurtleyTurtles
What Is The Best Way To Learn About Beatbox Classes?
There are a few tricks available to help you breathe unobtrusively during Beatbox Classes. Different beats require different ways of breathing; for example, beatboxing classes create various sounds by inhaling. No matter how you breathe during Beatboxing Classes, after some time the saliva in the mouth regulates itself accordingly - it "gets used" to the new breathing rhythm - and breathing adapted to the beat is then very easy. Over time, each person also develops their breathing technique, as everyone has a different lung volume and an individual physique. The Science behind 'Beatboxing' Beatboxing has taken a back seat to rap, DJing, emceeing, break dancing, and graffiti art since it emerged on the hip-hop scene in the 1980s. Often cited as the original beatbox pioneer is Barbadian Doug E. Fresh (Douglas E. Davis), whose single "The Show/La Di Da Di" in 1985 attracted many future beatboxers. "It was all down to a beat that wasn't that advanced," says Maximillian Reynolds, a 33-year-old Sacramento producer who is part of the Vowel Movement Beatbox crew, which is sponsoring the competition at Ashkenaz. What has happened is that kids are taking it. There's hip hop influence as well as trip-hop influence, jazz influence, rock influence, drum & bass, techno, and house influence. There's a whole new element to (beatboxing) now." What is the best way to learn to Beatbox? What if you know a kid who enjoys Kids Beatbox. Do you want to learn something musical with your kids? Among the various music classes designed for children, we offer a weekly Beatboxing class with UK champion Danny Ladwa. Students will learn how to assemble the sounds of the bass drum, hi-hats, snares, and sound effects into rhythms. The benefits of Beatboxing classes include boosting confidence and creativity, developing musicality, songwriting skills, and timing, as well as discovering the potential of the voice. We decided to continue these sessions after a successful 16-week online program for children during the lockdown. Children can only be taught through Beatboxing lessons. It can be surprisingly effective in training your ear and in challenging you to identify the techniques behind each sound by listening alone. You can also download or stream Beatbox routines in addition to structured audio lessons. Your newfound knowledge will allow you to develop your own versions of the routines as you learn new sounds. You could use this method during your commute or even whilst working out at the gym. As well as improving your child's sense of rhythm and timing, beatbox classes strengthen his or her vocal cords and will also improve his or her listening skills. Furthermore, it will boost your child's creativity and musical competence, as well as broaden their musical horizons. With a little patience, anyone can Beatbox! The bright side is that you can practice beatbox wherever and whenever you want.