I was cracking up as I read this article. As someone quite new to the running world, I could relate to every single point made by author Mark Remy. I hope you get as much of a kick out of it as I did. Here's a summary of my favorite bits.
A Non-Runner’s Guide to Runners:
"What do you really know about these shy aerobic creatures? Are they dangerous? What do they eat? How do you get rid of one that’s in your house?
The following information will help prepare you.
Why do runners run?
Because it’s awesome.
Why do runners wear those crazy clothes?
Scientists are unsure exactly what purpose is served by the skimpy and often brightly colored gear runners wear. One theory is that it’s defensive, as it makes them more visible to motorists.
Are runners dangerous?
You should never provoke them, of course. But runners by their nature are docile and will go out of their way to avoid confrontation.
What do runners eat?
Runners enjoy a varied diet, consisting of bananas, sports drinks, bagels, pizza, smoothies, beer, pasta, spareribs, chicken lo mein, muffins, scrambled eggs, sushi, ice cream, grilled shrimp skewers, black bean enchiladas, and those big turkey legs they sell at state fairs and Renaissance festivals. And that’s just on their long-run days.
You might be tempted to feed runners—especially the skinny ones—but don’t do it. You’ll only attract more of them, and runners swarming in great numbers can be a nuisance.
There’s much more, of course. Runners are complex, fascinating creatures, and they have much to teach us. I hope that this information helps ensure that your encounters with runners—this summer and beyond—are happy and healthy ones."