1. Oh… Well, lots of people shoot Apu. It’s just a $100 fine now.
2. Marge: Lisa, is that too spicy for you?
Lisa: I can see through time…
-The Simpsons, “Homer and Apu”, on Apu’s Indian food
3. Enlightened Kwik-E-Mart CEO: You may ask me three questions.
Apu: That’s great because all I need is one.
Homer: Are you really the head of the Kwik-E-Mart?
CEO: Yes. I hope this has been enlightening for you.
-Homer Simpson, “Homer and Apu”
4. Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is: never try.
5. Homer: No,please don't eat me. I have a wife and kids,eat them.
6. Homer: I’m normally not a praying man, but if you’re up there, please save me, Superman.
7. Homer: Books are useless! I only ever read one book, “To Kill a Mockingbird,” and it gave me absolutely no insight on how to kill mockingbirds! Sure it taught me not to judge a man by the color of his skin… but what good does that do me?
8. Mr. Burns: I’ll keep it short and sweet. Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business. When opportunity knocks, you don’t want to be driving to a maternity hospital or sitting in some phony-baloney church. [Narrows eyes] Or synagogue.
9. Homer: Kids, while we’re out, the TV’s in charge. Go to bed when it says.
10. Bart: I don’t want a new dog. I want Santa’s Little Helper!
Homer: Well, crying isn’t gonna bring him back, unless your tears smell like dog food. So you can either sit there crying and eating can after can of dog food until your tears smell enough like dog food to make your dog come back or you can go out there and find your dog… Rats, I almost had him eating dog food.
Do you have any more Simpson quotes to add to this list??