3 years ago
ryantadman
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Deprived of Romance - Reflecting on Loneliness
This article was shared in jest between two female friends of mine, and out of curiosity I read it was well. What I found was puzzling, and I would love to hear your thoughts. 'Deprived of Romantic Love' was written by a young woman who describes her life as a daily struggle to hide her unhappiness over being without a relationship. She worries about finding romance, being told conflicting ideas about stumbling upon love. On one hand she is told to actively pursue love while the other tells her to go about her life doing what makes her happy and the right person will find her. What I wonder is, whether you are looking for love or hoping it is looking for you, is it healthy to be this caught up in finding someone to be with? What does this say about our capabilities of being by ourselves? I worry that we are more and more associating being alone with being lonely, which is not always the case. I remember the pressing questions from my family starting in high school and finally ending on my wedding day, about when I would be settling down, finding the right girl, starting a family. Young adults are constantly pestered about this area of their life. What we need to do is start celebrating independence, and this piece does the opposite. I encourage you to read it and form your own opinion. http://thoughtcatalog.com/kovie-biakolo/2014/03/deprived-of-romantic-love/
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@eithchalmers ah I see, so you're going through now what a lot of people have perhaps already been through, I can see that putting you in an interesting place where you might feel like you don't quite fit. If there's one thing I've learned though, it's that when you keep trying, and you keep working to be happy with yourself, then you'll find that happiness.
I think it doesn't help that there's such a big stigma against being single. when you're single you're seen as lacking, even if you're confident and happy with yourself, people will assume you're sad and lonely and it can make it really hard to keep being happy and confident x_x
I CAN TOTALLY AGREE,BUT SOMETHING IT IS DEPRESING LIVING SINGLE "NOT BY CHOICE" BUT NECESSITY . 4 YEARS I LIVED AS A FUNCTIONING ADDICT, AND YEARS WENT BY WHEN I DIDNT WANT TO DRAG ANOTHER DONE WITH ME. BEFORE I KNEW IT, WHEN I STOPPED US ING I HAD FORGOTTON HOW TO HAVE A RELATIONSHIP WITH ANYONE. SO THAT WHAT I MEAN NOT BY CHOICE. IT CAN B HARD STARTING OVER AT 38 BUT IM GLAD IM CLEAN AND ALIVE . BEING SINGLE AND LONLEYINBALTIMORE WILL GET BETTER. R I G H T !
I love the realness of this article. I think it is 100% okay to feel this way about love because we are human...however it is what we do with these feelings that matter the most. If I were to feel deprived of love, (which, let's be honest, everyone has in some way or other) and I were to let that control my life...then I would be bitter. I don't know, maybe it is just the way I think, but when I have these intense emotions in life I try to look at the big picture and ask myself: is this who I am? Does not having someone right now define who I am? It definitely does not mean I am uncapable of giving or receiving love. I think sometimes people confuse what love is. At least for me, love is not fulfulling your desires but it should be selfless. An out of world experience that is hard to explain. This whole idea of being a good person and believing you deserve someone because of that...that's kind of crazy in my opinion. What if we were to focus on living life with an abundance of selfless love? A love that is kind, doesn't boast, or argue, or feel like it is "earned". It's hard but at least for me it is more fulfulling than other type of "love". You could be in a relationship and have it be disastrous...especially when we are focused on pleasing ourselves and what we believe we deserve.
Love or not having love is complicated. 2 of the best helps for this for me have been 1. to get a new puppy and spend time playing with and training it. 2. spend time helping someone in need.