Do You Have to Have Sex With Your Husband Every Night?
This dad says: No Way!
In response to an article published recently by Meg Conley giving women reasons why they should have sex with their husbands every night (http://www.huffingtonpost.com/meg-conley/five-reasons-you-should-h_b_5647291.html), David Lesser wrote a great piece excusing all of us folks who are married with children from the burden of feeling like we're failing somehow if we don't feel like the horizontal tango every single night.
Lesser jokes in HuffPost Parents that Conley's piece "is the kind of article you hope your wife reads (but you know better than to send her). Maybe she'll be inspired. Maybe you'll get SEX. Every. Night."
But how does this dad really feel about that saucy possibility?
"What a f*cking nightmare.
Every night? NO. Every other night? Still no. I am a grown-up. Maybe this would have been awesome at a time in my life when no one wanted to have sex with me. Damn you, cruel irony! But, despite what you've heard, men don't always want it whenever we can get it. We're tired, too. We're busy. We're stressed. Those kids? Yeah, they're not just yours. We're also parenting the hell out of them and it is exhausting. Plus, how will we catch up on our backlog of DVR'd Walking Deads if we're getting our freak on every night?"
Thank you, David Lesser!
Don't get me wrong, I think having a healthy sex life is very important in a relationship. Everyone should get to have enjoyable *ahem* experiences to bring joy and energy into their lives and relationships. The question is, how is "healthy" defined?
First of all, I'm sure many of us are breathing a collective sigh of relief about not having to feel guilty about not achieving the somewhat complicated set of variables that make up a frame of mind that leads to rowdiness. Every. Single. Night. Are you too tired? Are you distracted? Is there something else you wanted to do? Are you feeling well? Are you feeling attractive? Did your kids fight you that day? What time did you finally get your own time? Did your favorite show just come on? What time do you have to get up the next morning? I'm already exhausted.
Secondly, it's great to hear a male perspective that challenges the stereotypical perception that women never want it and men always do. Truth is, sometimes women want it and don't get it, and sometimes men don't really feel like it. Believe it!
Lesser is also not saying that having sex is a bad thing. I mean, really! So what's his message?
"But I am saying there are nights when I've yawned a, 'maybe tomorrow, honey.'"
"Trying to do the deed daily sounds like a job. And not the good kind. But, as parents, it's important to remember you're not just parents. You're the couple that spited a roommate by getting it on in her bed. You're the ones who "broke in" your friend's car when he was nice enough to lend it to you for your date. You're the weirdos who did all those weird things in all these really weird places. How did you never get caught? Life is more complicated now, but there are still times when you should remember when it wasn't. Not every night, but maybe like once a week?"
I think this man knows reason. What do you think?