4 years ago1,000+ Views
To feel one's happiness drained Becoming invisible One's emotions dying One, after another Contemplating if one's own existence matter Or simply battling defeat Clawing, punching, shouting, stand Flailing, skulking, cowering, fall Heavy, like my soul Cold, like my heart Fulfilling it's purpose Will it win, or will I lose One... two.. three It's torture being this pathetic Four... five... six But God knows I tried... I tried Seven... eight... pause Life trickling out of the palms of my hand Nine... Te- As I'm silenced; into oblivion
@timeturnerjones I respect your opinion and in a way quite right. But I guess I did it this way because addressing this topic was actually kind of touchy almost taboo for me. The reason for it's flow being a bit quickly is that, suicide is not something you do that is flowy. It's either planned out, or quick and hasty like many that are existing today. I guess it's a fight or flight kind of feeling that I wanted to convey. But thank you for the suggestion all the same. And @onesmile yes you're right. And thank you all to those who read it and enjoyed it :)
@Acezsinkillx You're right--there's so many emotions for everyone to interpret and enjoy!
This might be a weird suggestion, but there were a few lines I wanted to slow down to match the pace of the rest of the lines, such as "Contemplating if one's own existence matter / Or simply battling defeat" I felt like I rushed through these lines initially, but the message is beautiful, so I wanted to really feel it a little more.
You know @onesmile I believe that anyone who reads a poem can interpret it the way they want. Words to me are very beautiful, but they're also fatal. It's why I love poetry, there's so much power in one sentence and so much emotion to move millions. Thank you once again for taking the time to read and appreciate :)
This is a very dark piece, I think. But I still enjoyed it. Even though I don't really love things that make me feel sad (side note: I hope this is just a healthy expression of feelings ^^) I really think you have a way with words! My favorite part was the clawing, punching shouting, stand line. So much action, and then sudden resolve to stop fighting. Really, really meaningful.
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