2 years ago
DJamesBreaux
in English · 5,997 Views
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Until ~ D. James Breaux
Bold and noble The path of appointment He defends liberty Freedom’s dominion wears down the dark She tucks away the sunshine Until dawn’s first spark Santa I’m proud of my Daddy Please bring him warm boots Guarding the fortress The task triumphant He defends sovereignty Dark’s crafty overtake wide of the mark She tucks away the sunshine Until dawn’s first spark Daddy You’re the best soldier A little girl like me could ever have Land of the free Because of the brave He defends destiny Fates fallen valor bold and noble in the end She tucks away the note Love she’ll never send I love you Daddy Until forever Today my tears filled the sea
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Wow, very nice. I wasn't sure where we were going (a simple confession of love to a father? something more than that?) but the end sealed it for me.
@timeturnerjones We should probably take a poll and begin measuring the 'tears' factor based on that last line, because it seems like when it hits....there go the waterworks. A little experiment seated next to my sister at Crackerbarrel....just handed her my device and said ~ Here, test read this for me ~ then watched and waited....and when she got to the end...boom!! She looked at me as if to say did you really have to do that to me right now?? ...and said she usually doesn't cry in public. So yeh there's a certain amount of curiosity for me whether or not that last line really packs a wallop. Just a tad curious about the effect it may or may not produce surrounding the 'tears' factor on a 10 scale =D
I personally didn't cry when I read this but if it were talking about a child dying that would be different. the subject definitely decides whether I cry or not.
I especially liked the moments when you addressed the topic more figuratively, such as " freedom’s dominion wears down the dark" and "dark’s crafty overtake wide of the mark." These felt very powerful and evocative to me.