2 years ago
dukes1
in English · 10,739 Views
likes 1clips 1comments 4
Squirrel...
Why does it seem she is always right.. its tough to sleep through the night.. She's my type of squirrel.. I love the fact I have a HEART<3 ON for this girl.. the thought that I'm always wrong.. either way ill take the blame.. stay c*ck strong.. for however long.. She's my type of squirrel.. i love the fact that i have a HEART<3 ON for this girl.. my case never holds any ground.. she's always.. gone or never around.. I have always given.. the fact she's never unforgiven.. She's my type of squirrel.. i love the fact I have a HEART<3 ON for this girl.. We have this motion.. it's like the ocean hitting the beach.. The back and forth motion.. caused by the ocean.. it's not the size of my ship.. but the motion of my ocean.. caused by the notion.. she's my type of squirrel.. I love the fact I have a HEART<3 ON for this girl.. I carry myself w class and pride.. keep everything about me in stride.. be forgiving and forgiven.. stay in check and watch my back.. cause im not just anybody.. squirrel I love your mind.. not just your body.. and no matter how the cards may fall or how they may stack.. she's my type of squirrel.. I love the fact that I have a HEART<3 ON for this girl..
dukes1 clipped in 1 collections
4 comments
I'm happy to see you developing the text area of the card and doing a separate image! I always find that format of adding creative writing here to be particularly interesting and effective - more evocative than screen captures. Delivery can be so important with poetry! I like to see that you're experimenting with creating a mood and to use some nature imagery. I think you could really develop that well. You also have a good sense of rhythm - for spacing and arranging on the page, have you tried going to the next line instead of doing the ellipses (...)? That is another great way to dictate rhythm by using the natural pause from going to the next line on the page.
ya I'm learning that there are better ways to put things down.. it's taken me a bit of discovering that and input from others on what works best has been really great advice of having my words appreciated a bit more by a visual standard.. thanks again for the advice.
My pleasure! I'll keep posting feedback - you just keep the poems coming! Haha :)
that's good advice of starting another line instead of using "..." that's normally what I tend to do is create another line rather than commas or periods but in this case the use of ellipses works better here than starting a new line each time. I think the piece would look ver y long and drawn out otherwise. I like the format of this piece very well.