2 years ago
jai555
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I just not sure where my life is right now and I felt like telling someone so why not the internet?
I recently had a conversation with my roommate and we were talking about pregnancy. I've miscarried once and its possible I might be pregnant again. It might also be stress from finals coming up that has my period being late. The idea scares the crap out of me but I know that I would never be able to give the baby up no matter the circumstances. I couldn't seem to make her understand that. We are in college, have a future ahead of ourselves, and have many things to do before we ever settle down. My roommate saw it from a scientific perspective and couldn't see why I want to put my life on hold and risk everything Ive ever wanted for a baby. I was prepared to do it before and Im willing to do it again. I told her that when I miscarried had it been a choice between me or the baby, I would've chosen myself and let that baby live. I broke down after that. After miscarrying I wanted nothing more than to have a child again but things were so unstable between my fiancé and I at the time and I was moving to go to college so the opportunity just never presented itself. I kept my mind off my miscarriage and just never thought about it in depth. Months later my fiancé became my Ex- fiancé and the idea of a baby completely left my mind. I met someone later on and I wont deny that he was my distraction and Although I care for him, I don't care enough to be having a kid with him. We had unprotected sex once and of course my period delayed itself. I have no idea if I'm pregnant or not but the idea terrifies me. Thinking of this and breaking down like I did has left me broken and lost. I don't know what to do with my life anymore and my confidence is shot.
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jai555 I'm so glad that you are reaching out and putting your experience and feelings into words. In my experience, this is a crucial step in dealing with situations that seem so far beyond what we can handle. I have several very close friends who have gone through the heartache of a miscarriage, sometimes several, and additionally as a mother myself, I can imagine well the sorrow and fear that you must be feeling. I'm so sorry you are going through that! Often there is little another person can say to make those feelings go away, or to give you a definite answer about which way you should go. But I hope it will give some comfort to know that from what I have seen myself, the pain of miscarriage is something that, while it doesn't disappear, can be overcome over time and will not prevent the possibility of great happiness in the future. And while pregnancy is terrifying, for every woman but especially when one isn't prepared for it, I have seen women have babies in very difficult circumstances and times and, though it is honestly a huge challenge, it is still one of life's greatest joys. I encourage you to continue to reach out to others for help, especially people around you and the resources that are available for assistance - that is absolutely key to turning these situations into the most positive outcomes. Keep your head up! You have great strength inside, I am sure of it!
all I can say is from my experience is don't be afraid to be the single mom! choosing to be a single mom and leave my daughters father opened the door to a way better life for me and my daughter. but I also should advise you to think long and hard about keeping a child with someone. this guy could end up being a terrible father. your child could grow feeling resentment or abandonment if their real father never stepped up to be in their life. even if it did make them better off. kids want to know their father and they will want to see them as a hero. I wish I could change my daughters father to be someone better. a father that she deserves. but I can't. and I will have to help her understand one day that she's not missing out, her father is missing out. I'll have to help her understand that her dad was never around because of his own faults not hers. and its heart breaking knowing that your child will have to face this and there's nothing you can do about it. just think long and hard about who you are having a child with because that is just as important as anything else.
@jai555 when I found myself pregnant with my daughter I was terrified even though I was with her father at that time and our relationship seems stable. Becoming a mother is scary as it is a beautiful experience. When you chose your baby over yourself that shows that you already have the heart of a mother. Don't be afraid the storm will pass and you'll see the rainbow shine.