2 years ago
WordDoctor
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Love Resolutions: Making Marriage Last in 2015
Now that I have resolutions on the brain, it seemed like the perfect time to set down some goals for improving the state of my relationship next year. I mean, it's one of the best aspects of life to work on, since it affects so many other areas. These tips are a little more broad than the other ones I've posted, but it's because I felt that I need some big-picture goals to work on over the course of the year. Here they are, my top five love and marriage resolutions for 2015 (and tips 11-15 in my card series): 11. Listen We make a lot of fuss about how men need to be better listeners, but I have to admit that there have definitely times when I zoned out thinking about all the different worries and issues I have in my brain while my partner was talking about work or interests that don't have direction relation to things I do or know. This is a big problem, both because he doesn't open up and chat as often as I do (so I need to not discourage it by not listening when he does) and because instead of thinking the topic doesn't relate to what I know - I should think of it as a perfect opportunity to learn more about him. How can we ask others to listen to us if we don't listen to them? 12. Let things go Life produces a lot of things to complain about, and long-term intimacy with another person yields lots of potential for annoyance and disagreements. It's definitely important to communicate and voice the problems we have rather than letting them stew under the surface. However, there are some minor situations that I think I could just let go once in a while. Hearing a constant stream of complaints, criticisms or even "suggestions" can really wear at you - and some of it just isn't necessary. There are definitely things that have more to do with personal preference that I could just let go of and not mention. 13. Go on more dates We live far from our families, so getting a babysitter is a challenge and a financial burden. However, in 2015 I wanted to not underestimate our need for couple time and its positive role on the rest of our lives and individuals and parents. Going on more dates can increase contentment and release stress! 14. Communicate This might seem to conflict with #12, but I think they're actually complementary. It has to do with the importance of letting some less importance things go while saving your conflict resolution energy for the more important things that you can then communicate about. My partner and I are not yellers - we both hate conflict, so sometimes it means we instead bottle things up until they eat away at us and then grow into something better. This year I want to take initiate and communicate about things that are bothering me both about us as a couple and just other external issues on my mind. Things are tackled more easily and honestly when tackled together. 15. Look at things on the other's terms Naturally, we tend to look at things from our own perspective. It's physically impossible to actually see or think from the other person's perspective. But I can strive to take what I have and continue to learn about my partner to make a better image of their perspective, then try to take it into account more often. I want to think more often, especially during conflicts or in other times, like when planning outings or vacations, about what my partner enjoys and what stresses him out - or what is hard for him and what comes more easily. Tips 1-5: http://www.vingle.net/posts/636426 Tips 6-10: http://www.vingle.net/posts/643019
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These seem like very reasonable goals to have all the time! I think that #15 probably looks the hardest to me, since it's so hard to be aware enough to try to switch to another's perspective. But it's definitely worth a shot!
2 years ago·Reply