4 years ago5,000+ Views
Here's my guilty relationship secret: I'm a runner! If you haven't used the term runner before, let me give you a hypothetical scenario. Enter Guy A. He's great; perfect, really, as far as "perfect" can be considered in relationship to what I'm looking for. And, he's in love with me! In fact, he's so in love with me, that it scares me. I mean seriously, seriously invested. How can he be so invested? I haven't figured out where I want to be, or what I want to be doing, and he is seriously invested! So, I start testing him, because the longer I stay with him, the more unsure I become about whether I can stay forever. And he has done nothing wrong, so I start pushing his buttons and picking fights because I need a reason to run. And then, I run! Okay, so that's a bit dramatic, and every situation doesn't play out like this. Sometimes, it's just a few dates, and I feel the overwhelming attraction and I back out, disappear, slip away... Is this fear of relationships? Is it fear of relying on somebody else? Is it the fear of love? Or, is it my mind telling me he isn't right and that's why I have the urge to leave? I have a few theories, and I'd love to hear what you all think as well, because I can't stop running. But I want to! First off, I think it has a lot to do with not really knowing myself. At least, that's what all the relationship blogs out there tell me: "If you truly know yourself, you'll be comfortable relying on someone else. Because you'll know that you can always come back to YOU, even if they're gone." Okay, yeah, true...but is that it? Second, it has to do with past relationship issues. Other blogs hint at familial relationship problems, or past scaring relationships, causing a fight or flight but mostly flight reaction. Could that be it? Lastly, maybe it has something to do with thinking I'm a runner! Because I think I'm a runner, I become a runner, and the cycle continues....according to another love column, it's time I forgive myself for leaving past relationships, and actively commit to the next one that opens itself to me. Are you a runner? What do you think? I don't feel an overwhelming need to be in a relationship at this time, but knowing that I might run again is not a great feeling, if you know what I mean! Image Credit: Natalie Wall
I remember that I used to have feelings that I later recognized in retrospect were just me trying to find flaws in him before he could find flaws in me, so that I could control when it ended. The uncertainty of relationships is so scary! It makes sense our "flight" impulse would kick in :)
I really thought it was just me. I am going through the same thing. I often find myself starting arguments on purpose but nit wanting to. he smiles and says its OK. then I feel embarrassed.
I totally understand your pain :( I'm going to have to say I think the first idea is the one you should try to solve your fear: learn to trust yourself! If you trust your judgement on who to let into your heart, and who to rely on, you won't be as afraid of commitment. But know that there is always some fear involved in relationships--that will never go away!