Bless the photographer, they clicked a picture and even they didn't know what they were looking at.
Don't let this be you!
Don't throw your money away!
Don't waste your time!
Don't beg to be ridiculed behind your back!
Some of you reading this are actually surprised that I find everything in the picture so offensive. Well, before you brandish me for a bitch, take a closer look and learn something.
1. That wannabe crepe de chine table cloth looks busier than a criminal riot in South Central.
2. All that garish facade to appear rich...with the table clutter, yet not a charger in sight.
3. Why are troughs with mirrors on the table?
4. Who approved gimmicky 'flower' napkins?
5. Where are the pin spots?
6. How could you possibly screw this up?
And before someone says there are two tall silver centerpieces out of frame, I know. I can see the phalaenopsis in both corners. I don't have to see the whole thing in frame to get the context. My dears, did you not read the list aforementioned? Read it again.
1. Matte or solid is best for table linens.
2. Napkins are to be used, not displayed. Keep them on the table or on the plate.
3. If you're going to pretend this is a State Dinner, then use chargers.
4. Never throw mirrors on a table. Use an appropriate vessel with a mirror finish instead.
5. Flowers cost a lot of money, so be sure they are the star of the table, not a piece of eye clutter.
6. If your tables are not telling a fabulous story, then you failed. Try it again.
7. Having an impoverished budget is not half the problem that you think it is.
I may sound like a terrible human being--good. That part's out of the way. But if you truly need help or have a question or need advice, I will gladly (and nicely) share it with you.
(Orders another Riesling...thinks of Winston....)