You're Excited for Victor Frankenstein but You Don't Know Why
You remember reading Mary Shelly's Frankenstein when you were in community college. Actually, you don't really remember reading it at all. You were too busy playing Solitare on the iPod Touch you stole from someone at your job (see: your actual job in the electronics section of Toys 'R Us).
The memories you do have of this classic, though, aren't that clear. You remember holding your dog-eared copy in one hand while holding the leash to an actual dog (your dog) in the other hand. You can't really remember anything specific about the book other than what -- pretty much -- everyone knows about Frankenstein*.
So when the trailer for Victor Frankenstein was released today, you kind of felt this strange excitement that was also fueled by some apprehension. Yes, sure, you'd love to see Frankenstein on the big screen (especially if it isn't that weird, sexy, superhero Frankenstein that came out last year) but instead, something with more depth. Unfortunately, that isn't the case. They decided to make Victor Frankenstein and Igor handsome and sexy and cute. And maybe there's something wrong with you because you see something wrong about this.
I mean, you always pictured Dr. Frankenstein as a small, crazy looking fellow. Maybe he wore glasses and not the type of glasses that help frame your face or the type of glasses that make you, somehow, cooler. But the type of glasses that make other people call you a nerd, a geek, or a dork. And maybe Doc had some kind of weird cane and only ate string beans and almonds.
You don't really know. All you knew was that you didn't see him with James McAvoy's visage. And you thought Igor was kind of a dumb guy with a sort of, probably, maybe dumb face if that makes any sense to you (I know it does) and not a guy with a strong jaw like Daniel Radcliffe's. But you are excited to see the actual monster. You know, Frankenstein's Monster. That's something that has always interested you. Even when you were barely reading while walking your beautiful dog under the sun. You aren't really sure, why (since you can barely remember what was between the covers of the actual book) but you identify with the monster.
Or, at least you did at the time. So there's that. As you procrastinate and wait for time to drain off the clock you'll try and remember what exactly happened in the book. Not only to remember what it felt like to walk and read at the same time but so when the film finally comes out, you'll get to scrutinize it for not being true to something (the way all Internet people do and honestly, fitting in is more important to you than anything).
Victor Frankenstein will be in theaters this Thanksgiving. Novemeber 25th, 2015.
*You know the story. Frankenstein makes a monster out of human parts and electricity and then no one likes him because he's different (no one will ever like you if you're different remember that) so he runs away to the forest or something -- sorry, your memory isn't that great -- and starts to have an existential crisis. He eventually sits in the forest so long and writes a bunch of books that no one cares to read and no one knows that Frankenstein's monster is actually, well, pretty smart. But he's scared of sharing that part of himself with the world. His fear mostly comes from the fact that no one's ever really wanted to read his work or even hang out with him. Remember, no one likes you because you're different and you need to stop being so goddamn different, you need to remember what that you need to conform to what people expect of you, so please, please, please, Paul stop writing all those goddamn books that you keep unpublished under your bed and get out of the house and get a job. You aren't worth anything. What happened to you. What happened to you. What happened to you.