I am about to make a short confession net without even telling people about my real name and personal information.
In 2012 when in first year of high school (I graduated this Feb) I was bored from daily school life so I started PenPal.
There at PenPal I made a choice that I never should have. Maybe I don't regret it or wish that I have made a different choice, but after three years when I look back and think 'hmm...maybe.. my life could have went better than this'.
I absolutely and madly fell in love with a stranger who I have never met. I became madly in love.
First love through message really insane and absurd. It came to me like a shock, because I never felt so over anyone in my life. Every boy I already knew they never touched my feelings in anyway. But, to this foreign Finnish I literally went crazy.
At last, just like to every girls and boys feelings you have for someone can never ever last forever. So things ended badly. I made last memories to become nightmare to him by begging with crazy things. That only few months later, little more time, and asking him for a one last chance. Actually there.. chances weren't never needed because it was obvious that he will leave me even before we meet.
Just school life and education system all those asking me to make it to university in Seoul made all those communications to become weary and bored. Even though it wasn't my fault that he left still I feel sorry for him for few things :
• That I held on him too long made myself to look easy and boring.
• I was saying things I shouldn't have.
• I was asking him for one more chance when he was into different person now.
• That I loved him so much.
Alas. Now I am stuck in my home country studying a year again, because I didn't get the last call. I knew the day he was leaving my life in 2014 will be hell like. That I will have to study a year again.
Even if I make these confessions no one will ever notice about my true intentions over my postings.
Sorry for taking so long to bring up the main reason why I started to post these all crazy feelings and stories. I started because "he might read it". Obviously he won't LOL because he is Finnish and won't log into Vingle to read love stories people wrote, but hey still... who knows..
All my postings aren't wrote to diss him, show anger on him or make fun of him, but from now on it will all be written to show people I am making a progress out of this hardship.
"First love... what is so big deal about it. Get over it." Well yeah lol I wish I can do that too. So far as it has been taking forever for myself to be healed. I don't think I will ever be able to have feelings for anyone if I cannot heal myself like this way.
Just read for me as a kind of...story of a girl in between teenage girl and adult trying to get better and make work out of all these.