Nowadays it is so easy to strike up a conversation online with anyone, too easy in fact. I had a very close friend my senior year of high school that I talked to literally 24/7 online/phone but almost never in person. He was the shyest person I had ever met and that intimidated me, no matter how much I liked him. I became so comfortable with our online chatter and in-person silence that I just gave up every trying to have a real-life conversation with him. That is essentially what ended our friendship.
We both knew that we had the potential to be the perfect couple, but we just couldn't talk to each other in real life. How ridiculous is that?! So, reminiscing on my past mistakes, I want to offer some advice on how to avoid this trap.
Real Life: I Want a Boyfriend Not a Pen Pal
How simple is it to send a snap chat, favorite a tweet, like a photo, send an emoticon, or, my personal favorite, send a message and then say 'oops wrong person' but then continue that convo? Getting into contact with people online or on the phone is so simple.
Think of online bullying. It is so much easier for bullies to say horribly cruel things because they are hiding behind a computer screen. Well, the opposite applies to online crushes. We can open up, share our feelings, and just be generally more ourselves when we aren't sitting face to face with someone.
The real problem starts when your relationship can't move into the real world:
Signs You're Falling Into "The Trap"
How can you tell if you're entering a pseudo-relationship before it's too late?!
- Are you developing a crush based on his Instagram? His FB posts? A comment he left?
- Is it easy for you to share things with him that you don't really talk about in real life?
- Have your silly conversations turned into novellas you read and reread?
- Do you avoid your crush in real life?
- Do you talk to your friends about him like you talk all the time?
So Why Are You Doing This?
Before you get too frustrated with yourself for not talking to your crush online, let's think about why you are living in this online world.
- Are you nervous about topics to talk about?
You can talk about tons of things online! You know you have similar interests or things to talk about
- Are you insecure about your physical appearance?
I blush all the time, it's just my complexion, so I totally get it if you're nervous about looking like a loon talking to your crush. But it will only get worse if you put it off. If you are insecure about what you look like you will never be able to make this work!
- Will your friends not like this crush?
Do I need to make you listen to Sk8er Boi a few more times?! Come on! Friends can be great sources of advice but it they're just being lame then let them get over it. If they have good reasons for not liking them though, listen up.
- Is it just not the right time?
Is it spring break and your crush is on vacation? Are they a coworker so actually taking it to the next level is a no-no. This is understandable, but don't get too sucked into the online world so that when the right time comes you can't get out!
- Deep down, do you not want a physical relationship?
Think about it, do you seriously want this to move forward? Nothing will ever change if you want it to stay the same.
Alright ladies and gentlemen, it's time to put on your big girl/boy pants and make this happen!
1. Take a conversation that you're already having (what music you like, how ridiculous this Spanish homework it) and bring it up face to face. While you might not be able to burn them a mix tape anymore (RIP CDs) you can bring up the random song that you two were talking about, or ask them about a homework question that you still don't get (or better yet, show them the answer you figured out and teach them something!)
2. Make them talk to you. Cut them off in the middle of a convo and tell them to tell you about it later - approach them in the ~real world~ and ask them to follow up on the story!
But here's the kicker:
Online chemistry does not always mean physical chemistry. Just like how your Instagram profile or Snap Chat stories may make you seem more fun than you actually are in real life (we all do it) your crush might be more interesting online too.
Conversations can be lame in person, there is no spark, there is no actual LOL-ing happening. If that's true, drop it. It will never go anywhere and you will just be stuck in this awful limbo dating-not-dating world that just sucks. Big time. I've been there (I'm still there.)