I haven't gotten far from the truth. Once i reach it, life will lean the other way. Once i know, life will be that much easier. Up on the mountain i see down below. It's easy to lose yourself i know. Can you not see? Can you not feel? I've been mistaken for awhile now. I've been honest for our sake. I was to be the one to ask for your hand. In life and in death, you will always be the one. How sudden you left, how sudden it was. I still feel as if though, one day, just one day. You will be mine. I've been thinking it's a sign. That all these stars were made for me and you. That this world was something we would shape. I've known for awhile, it would be him. I'm not mad, i'm not upset. But i am sad, i am hurt, I am lonely. Ever since the promises. Our first kiss in the back of the theater. My first time seeing, meeting, your family. I can't, i won't, i want to, forget. Have you ever, met someone, so unimaginable? Kissed lips that burned like the sun? Held a hand that made you feel at home? Of course you have. I can see it from across the room. I can feel it from behind me. I can, feel, no longer. My emotions left with my heart, as you did. My ambitions died as soon as you said that. I haven't been alright. My smile changed. My heart wept. I have yet to know, Why? I swear I can see the words dancing on the tip of your tongue. I love you, rolls of of mine as easily as you walk out the door. But i leave it open, inviting strangers in and out, hoping one day you would show up, hoping one day, soon you would walk back in and close the door behind you. I have no recollection of how it feels to be loved. False hope, insecurity, anxiety. make it the worst. I write all my problems onto a cigarette that is prepared to listen. They don't fit so i have more and more. I burn away my problems. Inhaling the smoke that is said to kill, and exhaling with the relief of how much weight has been lifted. It's the way i cope. I wish, i knew. I probably do, i just don't want to acknowledge, the fact that i know. Say my name, one last time, so i know it wasn't a dream.