4 years ago1,000+ Views
Whole lifeㅡ I've dreamed of LOVE Which's certain and deeper than Any other night Foolishly unconsciously Your voice and smiles Laughters and criesㅡ Repeatedly... I paused Again the sun rises The distant skyㅡ Pale half moon Endlessly... I look You're soㅡ vividly alive Every night in my reach And I'm soㅡ silenced by Heavenly eternal... memory of you...... .
@timeturnerjones thank u glad that it worked
@greggr thank u and well.. i wanted to describe a person spending a night thinking of someone and the 3rd stanza shows how long he or she did... as night became morning. 3rd stanza coudlnt be taken out to me it was necessary. so my ansswer is it was intended.
Overall, I like it! I have a question about the 3rd stanza. I feel like I am only getting half of the imagery there...was that intentional? I feel as if my eyes are darting around the sky trying to follow the thought process.
I really liked this! It was a ncie read, and the pauses you put in like in "You're soㅡ vividly alive" really did something nice and made me feel like I was catching my breath with the author