Jenny, honey, we need to talk. And...it's kinda serious. While you were busy fighting to be sexy in sheer sausage casing and vaudeville lace I finally got to the stage where I am really embarrassed for you. What happened to aging gracefully? Sex appeal works when you can work it, which isn't forever.
You had some good days, Miss Jenny. Who knew that Y2K would be the least of our worries back then? You broke the internet that same year in Versace like you owned the world and we loved you for it. Never before had a nipple worked more overtime than yours to prevent a wardrobe malfunction.
Then you grew up a bit, dated Affleck and began wearing things that both flattered AND covered your body. (Insert snarky Gigli comment here.) Fast forward and now it's the same flavor for EVERY DAMN RED CARPET EVENT: PANTY HOSE AND SEQUINS. Pick a color--any color--as long as it's skin toned and 98% sheer.
I'm really exhausted with the tacked on weave and borrowed jewels too, as if it somehow gives the look a redeeming quality of class. Sadly, the word crass, in association with JLo is being too generous.
You're done. It's over. I'm through.