Click right to listen while you read: X-Kid by Green Day
By: Tess Stevens
If you really want an existential crisis, think about if you had a choice: would rather have been born into the world or stay a thought: a whisper in the cosmos.
Would you take the shock wave ride of life or just remain blacked out in the universe? Would you rather know consciousness just to lose it or keep it dark and never know anything? Contemplating these questions will only send you into madness. If you had the chance to never have been born would you take it? At this juncture in time I haven’t done anything to warrant a positive answer, but I no doubt will, and maybe that’s just enough to keep going. To keep working toward the ultimate goal of creating something that will last forever. There’s a light. I think. That last statement is the most important one. If you think, then you can become something. No matter what age you are or what juncture you’ve stopped at, if you have the ability to think, it’s not over. Not until that last bit of breath leaves your miraculously formed sternum.
Thoughts like this can lead one to the edge. What that is, is hard to describe.
The edge is only familiar to those who have been there, and as a college graduate I can say
that I have. The edge of madness, chaos, total and utter vulnerability. It’s a ridiculous place to find yourself. You feel trapped, less than, and ultimately weaker than all the people safely on the shore waving.
The shore is beautiful, the edge is jagged, typified by rocks and gravel, fire and brimstone. Those on the shore can say that they’ve lived good, eaten well, but they can never
describe the edge.
Those who have lived on the shore their whole lives will ask
you what you’re doing. What you’re writing, what you’re creating. It’s all a product of the edge. Its death and glory. Sometimes you can’t tell. Sometimes it's not easy to choose. After those on the shore have thrown up from too much alcohol you’ll keep drinking with ease. You’ll put your hands to the typewriter, the keyboard and words will spill out like oil from the BP wells in the sea. You’ll look into blank walls and see the art that can become them. What does all of this even matter? You’re going to die. The idea is to put something out there that will last forever, unlike the body. Your words or art or whatever will tow the line long after you’ve left for the coast. That is the goal. We can’t look back into the sun or else it’ll burn our corneas right? It’s just logical. What has already happened is finished. No use in thinking about it, or relieving it. If dwelling on the past is a hobby we can’t make it a habit. Once you've visited the edge there's no going back. You have that experience to draw upon. It will make you a better person. The edge is not the bottom by any means. It is your potential. It's scary.
The scarier thing though, is not knowing where the edge is. Staying safely put and wishing on stars lightyears away has nothing to do with touching them. If you can do yourself one favor each day, it would be to get closer to the edge, because danger is just one step away from greatness.