When we look back on the people who’ve wronged us we often
do so with malice. We try to hide our true feelings when we’re around them. We
talk shit behind their backs. We try to cope with the stings of the past by
poking and prodding at the future. We justify our actions by telling ourselves
that we’re doing what’s right.
The ego is a funny thing.
To truly forgive someone a few things need to happen.
You must come to terms with what they did to
you, no matter how large or small.
You have to accept your actions, as a result of
what they did. Your retaliation, your silence, whatever.
You have to be able to learn from the event.
Anything short of that is just a farce. Most of the time we
pretend to forgive. We keep up appearances, we move on in small ways.
We facebook stalk our exes. We subtweet our enemies. We get
angry when no-one’s watching. We don’t confront our misgivings, so we never
come to terms with them. This kind of behavior brings negativity into our
lives. While whoever wronged us is out living their life, we’re living under a
rock. We have nothing but our anger.
Nobody should live like that. I’ve spent months thinking
about decisions from the beginning of college. Sure the events involve other
people, but I haven’t forgiven them because I haven’t forgiven myself.
We often walk around criticizing ourselves for not being
productive enough, not being fit enough, not following our passions.
Every once in a while these destructive thoughts enter my
brain, they’re unstoppable. They keep me up at night. If I hadn’t broken up
with my first boyfriend would I have ended up happier? Can I forgive myself for
taking a break from music? Have I gone too far off the deep end to ever come
back? Will I ever fall in love? Will I ever live my dreams?
I’m sure you have these thoughts, if not daily, then
frequently. We want to be whole and perfect, but sometimes that’s not possible.
Then we start to cope.
We place the blame on others, but we’re really blaming
ourselves. We second guess ourselves. We berate ourselves. We’re meaner to
ourselves than any of our enemies could ever be.
If I hadn’t made those decisions, I’d be in a different state
of mind sure….but would I be a better person?
Would I be able to forgive those around me if I could
forgive myself?The most important relationship you can have is the one you
have with yourself. We can spend all of our energy on others, but first we must
work on ourselves.
To forgive yourself you have to accept what you’ve done and
regret as little as possible.
Realizing how hard you are on yourself is the first step to leading a better life, one that involves forgiveness.