"...and as we're stumbling back from the bar, hammered, screaming at each other, my mother drives passed us, taking my little sister to school. There I am, in the middle of the street, with a beer still tucked into my sleeve and I see my MOM. God, I have never seen her look so disappointed. "
I am laughing at my friends story, but in my mind I am already trying to break that story down into a witty, understandable 150 characters to tweet later in the day. I calculate the probability of retweets and likes to the different variations of useable tweets I have cataloged in my brain. I decide to hold off on that tweet till something better comes along.
SNAP! A flash goes off in my face and I instantly grab at the phone, trying in vain to see the damage this double chin picture is going to make on snap story. I pray she doesn't save it for Instagram on WCW. Although if she did, it would get a lot of likes. I look horrible, but its still pretty funny. Ok so gramming it wouldn't be the worst.
I can't get over how much social media has transformed my brain. When I'm in line I click on Instagram and scroll through the pictures I have already looked at 10 minutes before. When I'm sitting in the car I open twitter, looking to see what the celebrities I really don't care about are thinking. Even when I am in the bathroom I am checking snap chat and Vine; and throughout all of these I am still receiving and sending text messages!
While I am busy patting myself on the back for my ability to multitask I might as well check Facebook even though its nearly obsolete now am I right?
It is no wonder that I am sleeping worse, need a steady dose of aspirin running through my veins and have a constant fear that people are doing fun stuff without me.
It is Too. Much. Information.
I can not be trusted with everyone thoughts, actions and feelings with just a touch of a button. I don't want to be able to see what my friends are doing while I am stuck at home doing the dishes. Why do I need to stalk the bitch I hate from high school just to see what stupid song lyric she still thinks is socially acceptable to make her status.
Even worse, how am I suppose to avoid plans if social media can call me out on my lies? Damn you bubble bath post, I was suppose to be out to dinner with Grandma.
I think its time to delete some apps. Slowly but surely I need to disengage myself from other peoples lives and focus on my own. Shutting the phone off at night, letting the notifications go for a few hours, maybe even deleting twitter all together so my thoughts can form into actual sentences again. That would be nice.
But for now, I think I'll avoid that challenge by checking snapchat, Instagram, FB, Twitter, Vingle, but not Vine.
You can call that progress, but I just call it not having headphones.