2 years ago
Nisfit
in English · 4,339 Views
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I Just Laughed Until I Cried Over a Women's Experience with the Paleo Diet
I don't even know how I found this gem, but it had tears of laughter streaming down my face as I read it aloud to my coworkers.
I thought this was going to be about the pros and cons of a paleo diet, but I got so much more from Geraldine DeRuiter of The Everywhereist.
She describes the basic rules of paleo which basically tell you to eat only protein and veggies. According to her, you need to eat a "'You might be having an affair with the guy from the farmers market' quantity of veggies."
She isn't saying that paleo is a complete waste of time. She did have some success:
In some respects, it's worked: being Paleo has killed my will to live, so I'm too sad to snack. My abs look pretty damn good, but I suspect that's from all the nights I spend wracked with sobs because I can't eat anything fun. I would take a selfie to show you, but this isn't Facebook and I'm not your misguided teenage niece.
What got me sobbing though, was her explanation of the recipe for Carrot Cake cookies aka "Pucks of Suffering"
Here it is:
Ingredients: Carrots
The salt of your own tears Nuts or something
Ennui
You know what? It doesn't matter what I list here. You should not make these.
If you want to go Paleo, you'll probably need a food processor, which doesn't really make sense, because cavemen didn't even have pants, so they obviously didn't have food processors or ovens or organic coconut oil.
Take your ingredients (none of which are even remotely cookie-like), and grind them in the food processor until they resemble cat vomit.(This is the first and only time in my life I didn't want to eat the cookie dough.)
Take the mushy chunks and form them into little patties of sadness.
Bake them in the oven for 30 minutes at 350°F, or just toss them directly into the trash because life is meaningless.
Please do yourself a favor and read her entire experience here!



But if you really want to try it, check out @nokcha's card with some paleo recipe suggestions.
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3 comments
Pucks of Suffering sounds like something I would never, ever want to put in my mouth.
There is nothing appealing about the paleo diet in my opinion. I neeeed my fruits!
Omg. I'm dying. The part about the misguided teenager on Facebook sounds like something I would say.