I love me some prompts, so I figured I'd jump on this one, provided by @tessstevens. I also really love Hunter S.Thompson, so it's a win-win for me. Hobey-ho.
Cocksuckers. Fucking cocksuckers. "Yeah, we'll give you a car, just get to Vegas by tomorrow night." How in the rickety fuck do they expect me to do that in this?
A beat-to-shit Jeep wrangler is sitting in front of me. No bumpers, one headlight, no doors, windshield half black from what I can only assume was a catastophic, fiery engine failure. "This is gonna be a real shitshow, my friend," I say to my esteemed colleague, Dr. Edmund Volniere.
"Ai, mon ami, it will do just fine, I'm sure. Here, let's take this ugly edge off you," he says back to me, smile so wide he needs 6 extra teeth just to have make sense. He opens his doctor bag and brings out several pill bottles and a bullet. He takes out two pills, rips off the rear-view mirror, opens the back of the bullet, dumps some coke on it.
He smashes the pills against the mirror, cuts up the mix of powder into two fat lines, then pulls out an eye dropper and adds two drops to each. He pulls out his custom sniffing straw, a bizzare fuckin' tiki necklace hollowed through the middle, and blows his line.
I eagerly take the straw from his extended hand and blow mine.
"Yes my good sir, I am of the thinking now that this will be a most entrancing ride to the city of lights."
He laughs. "That's Paris, cabron. We're going to the city of sin!" he yells as he clambers into the passenger seat of the Jeep.
"Whatever! The city of sinful lights, then! Let's go see the fucking wizard, get you half a brain, maybe, you mongoloid voodoo man!"
"Haha! Maybe get you some balls as well? Eh?"
This was going to get weird. Just the way I wanted.