What do you feel when your own bestfriend is betraying you ? What do you feel when your own bestfriend is condemn you infront of your friend ? What do you feel when your own bestfriend trust your other friend than you ? You feel hurt right ? Same goes to me. It's happen to me about a month ago. I'm just tired with him. Did I mention 'him' ? Yes, 'him' is a boy and he is my bestfriend. I .. love him .. more than our friendship. And that other friend is a girl. Yeah. Like a drama. When he treat me like that, I'm just .. I can't hold more. I want to break our friendship but ... I can't. I'm not strong enough to face it. I can't hold my tears anymore. Every night, I keep crying until one day I'm almost dehydrated. L (my other friend) came to my house and asked me "what's wrong with you?" I tell her that I was fine. But the truth is I'm not. After 2 days, I went out from my house to take some fresh air. I stroll at the park and I saw A (my bestfriend) was standing beside the tree. I ran to him and wanna greet him. When I was about to greet him, I heard someone is talking about me. I saw L and A is talking shit about me. I heard their conversation. L : You know Ellie (it's me) is a jerk. A : I know right ? She is annoying. L : Do you know ? A : What ? L : F (my bestfriend too) like you. Why don't you two couple ? A : I ... don't know. I still love H (his bestfriend) L : But F like you. A : Urm. Let me think about it. L : What ? Think ? Just couple with her! You are perfect with her. A : Yeah, still I want to think about it. L : Do you know ? A : What ? L : Ellie love you. A : Are you kidding me ? L : I'm not! A : How do you know she love me ? L : I saw how she treat you. And BINGO! She love you. So! Do you love her ? A : Ellie ? No! She is like a boy sometimes, she likes to disturb me and she is like an old woman. She is just annoying. She is like a rubbish. L : I agree with you! They talk more and more and more about me. I'm crying while listening to them. I ran to my house because I can't hold my tears. At the night, I opened our group snapchat and trying to be cool in the chat. Like this morning, both of them keep talking about me with my friends. They don't know that I was reading their convo. I then writed an essay about A betrayer and I confess my feeling in that essay (I don't think it was called an essay because it's more like a letter to me.) I sent to him and I uninstall my snapchat. I don't want to see what happen after I sent it to A. I just can't hold my feeling. I don't care if he does not love me but what I care is when he betrayed me and condemn me infront of my friend. My heart was hurt so damn much. Like a poison when to heart. It's hurt so damn much. I hope you guys will take care your heart. Don't let your heart hurt so damn much like me. Don't cry all night just because that's problem. It's useless. Try to solve it. And .. don't be like me. I'm just an idiot girl. But now .. I'm regret with what I had done. It's okay. I'm happy and fine now. Thank you for reading my heart voice. Stay tuned with me!