4 years ago1,000+ Views
Let me get this out there real fast; I go against all teachings of "No means No" as an anti-rape strategy.
Shocking I know but bear with me for a second.
In a society where women are afraid to walk alone on the street at night, only 32% of rapes get reported, and only 2% of all rapist will spend a day in jail, don't you think it's time we change our "anti-rape" strategies?
I am a huge advocate for the idea that it is time to take the focus off of how to teach women to avoid getting raped and start re-educating the masses on what consent actually is.
No this is not the same as "teaching a rapist not to rape". This would mean that while girls are being taught ways to avoid getting attacked, every child, male and female, should also be taught what actual consent is.
And it is not just "No means No".
Here is the problem I have with No means No.
What happens if the victim is to afraid to say no? You may think that the answer would be obvious, if they are afraid then it is rape. Not in our crazy court system. One can argue that, because you didn't verbalize the "No", consent was present.
Stupid, I know.
Don't even get me started on victims who were drugged or drunk. Their lack of response still works against them somehow.
The defense of role playing comes in as well. "They told me she liked rape fantasy, they like it rough thats why the bruising happened. I thought girls like it when men took control in bed..."
Ugh gag me. But now that we bring up gags, what happens if you physically can not say stop? A little experimental hook up that goes way to far? If you can not verbalize what you want, or your partner is ignoring your demands for stop, then I guess you're shit outta luck since you didn't (couldn't) verbalize no.
And this is why Yes means Yes rocks!
It completely takes all these problems away! Forget the issue of not saying no because you were to scared or you couldn't say it, your body language should say it for you!
Are you shaking your head, crying, not responding to any advances?
That means consent is NOT there.
And no, I do not think that a person needs to fill out a consent form before having sex. That is just stupid and could also be forged. "Yes means yes" teaches people to recognize actual consent, which I don't think should be that difficult.
Participation in fore play, helping undress, and communication all equate to a huge YES for everyone.
California just recently passed the Yes means Yes law.
Join the movement. Yes means Yes!
I just want to put this out there: a married person can be raped by their spouse.
You bring up a good point @alywoah, I think porn is definitely contributing to rape culture. It's important to consider other factors as well. I remember seeing a similar conversation about stand-up comedy a few years ago after Tosh.0 made some really inappropriate remarks. When something so malicious is entrenched in our sociey it can be really hard to tell what things are symptoms of the problem and what things are causing it. I suspect that it's probably a combination of factors, which is why it's so difficult to resolve the problem.
@Esha are you saying that rape only happens in Christian counties where porn is so common? Because rape is a problem that is indeed worldwide -- including counties that don't even have easy access to pornography.
@lizarnone It should be clear to most couples. I agree with the sign having a positive vs negative message
Yes, let's all become conservative orthodox ... No, wait, that didn't work last time we tried!
View more comments