It is an interesting feeling when an action so unassuming leads to every single carefully laid out brick to come tumbling down around you. When borrowing his phone to make a call reviled that he reserves the name "baby" for someone special.
And that someone special is not me.
It times like these where you think you will freak out. I picture myself reading that message now and wonder why I didn't smash that phone into his face. I wonder how I didn't punch a wall, text the other girl that she isn't his one and only either, just do something.
But it was that moment when I realized what the word crumbled meant.
That feeling when your throat goes dry and the heat rushes out of your body and you are wondering why your chest feels that tight feeling you get just before you throw up. When you get to the point where standing becomes an issue you never had before.
As I sit in the middle of his room, clutching his phone I had the faintest thought of what would happen if he just walked in. How would I explain my complete inability to move when I couldn't even form a coherent thought in my head. How could I even ask him to explain when I could not bear to rip the phone away from my chest where I have been clutching it, hoping that pressing it tight enough into my body would twisted my soul into his "baby".
What are you suppose to do when you discover your entire world thinks of you as nearly a comet passing though its atmosphere?
Well, I'll tell you what not to do.
Please do not get up, pull down your skirt and go back to the pregame like nothing was wrong. Do not give him back his phone and watch as he quickly checks his phone and then bite your lip when you see the look of relief because you "didn't see the texts".
Do not drink until you can forget that later when he is kissing you he might be thinking of her. How he likes when you wear those cute new boots because you find out she has a similar pair when you look her up Facebook.
Don't try and change yourself to fit the mold he seems to want. Don't stay out until daybreak smoking just because you want him to know you can hang, and please don't dig your fingernails into your hand when you know he is talking to her and then lie about how the scratches got there.
Above all else I beg you, don't let his coos of, "you are the most important person to me here", get you confused with "you are the most important person to me."
Because you are far to important to be someones second thought. You are more beautiful, more intelligent and more amazing then you will ever see. So you need to find someone who will make it their first priority to tell you, every single day, until you believe it.
Until the damage that he caused you is undone and you can look in the mirror and see a whole world again, not just the dying light of a shooting star.