How to Talk to Your Dream Girl (feat. Scott Pilgrim)
I recently re-watched Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (aka the best video game movie that exists) and it got me thinking about my "dream lady".
Last year, I was in Philadelphia visiting one of my best friends. He'd recently gotten into Temple University and I wanted to "properly" celebrate with him (i.e. drink the alcohol beverage). We spent the day at a beer garden that was a short train ride away from his apartment.
After I was sufficiently lubricated, we left the beer garden (which was beautiful by the way) and walked into a dive bar (which is more my speed by the way) that was playing 80s/90s hip-hop so loud that everything inside was shaking (this is also my speed).
I walked up to the bar and that's when I saw her. She was tending the bar that night, she wore a tee-shirt (with the sleeves rolled up), black jeans, and combat boots. Quick aside: This fits the criteria of what I find attractive at first glance -- did I mention she had a bunch of cool traditional tattoos?
Anyway, she was like the punk/hardcore version of Ramona Flowers that I never thought could exist.
And that's when I felt like Scott Pilgrim at the top of the card. I stuttered through asking for a beer and a shot and when she asked me what kind, I froze up, laughed, and said,
I went into a bar, and asked for A SHOT AND A BEER OF ALCOHOL.
At this point, my friend decided to talk for me. He apologized for me and I awkwardly laughed. I sat down with my alcohol beer and my alcohol shot and put my face in my hands. Then, I drank both in under 10 minutes so we could leave as fast as possible. As we stumbled back to the train, I cried slow and hard inside and thought about how I blew it.
So, obviously, Ms. Beautiful-Bartender-Lady and I did not end up together the same way Scott and Ramona did in the movie/comic.
But at least now I know how not to talk to my dream girl, right? That has to count for something.