Last night was my mothers retirement party. I went for two reasons.
1. The food
2. To celebrate my Mom
It was hosted by this amazing Italian restaurant that I only get to go to on really special occasions. So there was no way I was missing this.
I assumed it would be buffet style. All of the pasta, cheese and pizza I could ever want stretching as far as the eye could see. I would take my pick, stuff my face and then maybe go back for more (I would go back for more). The point being, I would be able to taste every piece of food I wanted because I would see it all at once.
Boy was I wrong. This dinner party I guess it could be called, had courses. And I don't just mean a few plates set on the table throughout the night. I mean courses, 10 of them to be exact, including desert. I felt like I was on the frickin' Titanic.
Granted it was all AMAZING and I somehow found room for everything, but I made a few rookie mistakes along the way.
First off, I ate the bread. Why did I think it would be smart to do that? But the nice warm hunks sitting right next to the garlic and oil just looked so tempting. Plus I was starving! And I had no idea when the rest of the food was going to come out (or what was coming out)...so I ate a piece.
Okay, I ate 3. But they were small, sue me.
Feeling good and about to reach for more bread, the mini pizzas came out. Yes, you heard correctly, little pizzas for everyone to have a slice. So I obviously had two, while also piling my plate high with salad.
At this point I was loving life. The waiters were rushing past in this crazy efficient yet graceful way, bring plates out and taking them back to get more food. It was heaven.
So I kept picking at the salad; an olive here, a tomato there type of thing, when the calamari and eggplant rollatini came out.
For some insane reason I figured oh wow maybe were just doing little appetizers for dinner right? I mean who really needs 4 appetizers? So, being the food addict that I am, I straight up panicked that this would be the end of the food, even though I was already pleasantly full!
Which means I obviously had two helpings of both the eggplant and the calamari.
And then the pastas came out. Two different types, piled high on platters and set in front of me. At this point I was full, like glad I wore a dress because my jeans would be unbuttoned by now full.
But ... I love pasta, especially creamy sauce pasta stuffed with googey cheese. So I had a bit of both. Just enough to satisfy my taste buds since my stomach was more then satisfied on just the appetizers.
Content that this was the end, I sat back and drank some water trying to ease the ache.
Yet again, as I seem to be so often in this food course experience, I was wrong.
My mother, who eats like a bird so I'm pretty sure the 4 leaves of salad she nibbled on filled her up, leaned over and said, "I think the main course is coming out now."
Im sorry, but what could be more main then pasta?
And then those devil waiters came out with what else but, Meat.
Tossing platters of chicken, steak and asparagus into my line of vision I knew I had a problem. I can not just let this food sit in front of me and not eat it. So ignoring the pain I put some on my plate.
And then hated myself for about 20 minutes, the entire time begging in my head that it was time to leave.
"We'll leave after cake honey", mom says, completely unaware of the self inflicted pain I had put myself in.
But I obviously had some cake.
Later I found myself face down in my bed, trying to pretend that I stopped eating after that second eggplant. And while the feeling of complete fullness was painful, I feel like I have learned a very valuable lesson when dealing with course meals.
1. Don't eat the bread, no matter how hungry you are. Have some damn will power.
2. Don't be that idiot that fills up on salad.
3. Only take one serving of everything, there will be enough food.
4. Even if you totally ignore all these rules, you will always somehow find room for desert.