On Sunday, the Pentagon Chief Defense Secretary Ash Carter announced a balanced approach to dealing with Russia. In the conflict between the United States, and the mother-country Russia, we really don’t want to have this much aggression, but we are ready aren’t about to let Russia just walk all over us. Here’s a letter the United States should send to help with this approach.
We think you are pretty cool. You gave us those cool steamy bath houses, vodka, and that weird beet-soup stuff. But lately you’ve been not-so cool.
Our homeboy, Ash Carter (Pentagon Chief) will be traveling and visiting the European Union and he’s got some things up his sleeve.
Step one: We’ll be bolstering up our European military programs to deter your military actions.
Step two: Our allies will be working together to fight your terrorism and creating a nuclear agreement with Iran.
So, we aren’t trying to fight you right now. We just wanted to let you know that we mean business. So you better check yourself before you wreck yourself.
Your Mortal Enemies:
The United States of America
P.S. We are Russian with these plans, so just so you know there’ll be no Stalin on our end.