InVinsybll
2 years ago1,000+ Views
How to be a Writer
If you want to truly be a creative force, make sure to use only the best, handcrafted tools.
Now, this will take a little doing, but you'll thank me for it. In the bottom part of Wyoming, south of Table Rock, off route 80, at the origin of Bitter Creek, there stands an ancient Green Ash tree. This tree is named Albasiyl, and she is the totem for all of the creative energy in North America.
Plead with Albasiyl to deliver unto you but a single bough of her immensity. You must plead your case at Albasiyl's roots for three days and two nights, consuming only water from a goatskin hide. as the third night turns to dusk, Albasiyl will drop a single, thin bough at your feet. Thank her graciously for the gift, no fewer than five times.
Taking this most precious gift, Travel northwest to Bandon, Oregon. In Bandon, purchase three individually wrapped caramels. You will need these later. Also pack enough provisions for a week of camping.
On Bandon beach, you will see a large outcropping of stone in the middle of the vista. Taking the bough you received from Albasiyl, climb atop the stone. You must wait atop this stone until a mighty thunderstorm arrives. It shouldn't be longer than a week, at most.
When the storm breaks over Bandon, Stand tall and raise the bough over your head, a signal to the spirit of creation. You will not need to stand long. Soon, you will be swept up by a gigantic sky-whale, invisible to the naked eye. This sky-whale is called Aepherion, and he is wise beyond years. He will bear you up to the cloud palaces of Yawva, mother spirit of all creation.
After Aepherion has deposited you at the gates to the cloud palace, give him the caramels that you brought with you. He will be gracious, and bestow upon your forehead the mark of the Aepheri. This mark will allow you to walk amongst the cloudways of the palace.
Harken, aspiring creator! You near the end of your quest. Face the cloud gates, and they shall open for you, mark-bearer. Make sure to keep a firm grasp of the bough of Albasiyl as you tread through the threshold; fierce winds await you inside the palace.
These winds serve to test your true resolve, seeking to determine whether you can withstand the airy, turbulent nature that besets a true creative force. If you can make your way through the winds, you will find yourself at the seat of Yawva. Do not look directly upon her until instructed; she is pure creation, and will sear your eyes from your head if you are heedless.
Kneel upon one knee before Yawva, and present the bough of Albasiyl. Stake your desire, to be a true writer, and await her judgement. It may take some time, but you will feel no need of food, or water, or rest. You are within the cradle of creation, and so your every need is satisfied by virtue of being there.
If she deem you worthy, after all the trials you have faced, Yawva will take from you the bough of Albasiyl and shape it into the Pen. She will bestow this greatest of all gifts upon you, along with a vial of her own essence as Ink.
With this Pen will many a masterpiece flow, so long as you treat it with the respect is deserves. The Ink will shape many a work of art, layered with emotion and the essence of being.

Congratulations, adventurer. You are now a writer, in true form.

1 comment
Aha! I see what you mean about this being inspired by Gaiman in some ways. This seems like a pretty fun and reasonable way to become a writer to me...
2 years ago·Reply
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