hikaymm
2 years ago1,000+ Views
Writing Response: I Thought I Had Been in Love
Saw a few others trying the Flash Fiction prompt posted by @VinMcCarthy, and thought I'd try, too. I'm horrible at conciseness, so here goes. A quick flash of my first love. Here goes.
I thought I had been in love before I met you, but none of the others had decided I was theirs. That day, in the hallway, I decided that I would fall in love with you, and at a slip of a whisper and a word from your lips it was so. And when I signed "yours" on the bottom of each note slipped in your locker, each message sent on AIM, I realized, it was more than I could give.
I thought I had been in love before I met you, but no one else had ever made it impossible for me to say no. That time, after you promised it would be the last thing you required of me, I said that I wouldn't move far away. And when I breathed in more than I had ever done before, I realized, it was just easier to stay this way.
I thought I had been in love before I met you, but I never accepted the flaws in them that I accepted in you. Those weeks, after I refused to be yours, your inability to let go of control of those around you showed again as everyone, all of our friends, called and texted. And when I picked up the phone, I realized, the voice on the other end would always be yours.
I deleted it all, and erased ever loving you.
I thought I had been in love before, but, now, I'm not sure I ever was.
Call me the worst, but that comes in at 249 words exactly. Like I said, I don't do concise! Feedback is always appreciated, constructive or critical!
4 comments
@hikaymm I think this is great! love the way you repeat the first phrase in each paragraph, it really links things together. great to see @vinmccarthy 's challenge gaining steam!
2 years ago·Reply
@jeff4122 Thanks!! I'm a really big fan of mirroring structure and repetition. I probably overuse it at this point!
2 years ago·Reply
@hikaymm i'm often guilty of the same hahah
2 years ago·Reply
249 words is still within the prompts limits, you're good! Anyways, I liked your usage of spacing as well. The long paragraphs followed by the few impacting lines. Very nice!
2 years ago·Reply
8
4
4