(note: the following conversation takes place in a bar)
Let me tell you what happened last night, alright? So I'm on my way home, you know, and, and, like I see all these people gathered outside and like, well, of course I had to know what was, like, going on, you know? So I shuffled my feet quick, and like, tried to push through the crowd, and, and, uh, wait what? Oh yeah, I pushed through this giant crowd of people, you know? No, no, no, don't worry, I had my phone in my front pocket so, like, I could feel it, and like, no one could rob me, you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, my neighborhood is terrible, so like, yeah, anyway, I push through. There are all of these people in front of me, and like, they're you know, on their hands and knees and shit, like crying, and angry, and I'm like, what's going on, you know? Yeah, when I say crying, I mean there was this one woman, like, she looked horrible, like her son just died or something. So, anyway, like, I try to listen in on what people are talking about, and like, they're talking about that shooting that happened, you know? That one down south and like, yeah, yeah, that one, the white kid, and that church or whatever. And megaphones are going off, and like, I'm feeling really empowered you know, like here we go, here we go! But then like, this one lady is like, pray with me. And I'm like, pray? I don't even believe in a God, you know? But like, I felt so, you know, a part of something bigger than me, you know? And like, I did. I got on my hands and knees and was like, yeah, God and shit. It's just weird, though, like what else am I supposed to do? Like, say no to this lady? I'm not about to, like, break her heart or whatever. Huh? What? Oh, yeah, yeah, I totally saw that Tweet, yeah it's so right you know, hold on, hold on, check this out on Instagram. [note: twenty minutes pass as they stare at their phones]
Oh, yeah, yeah. Lemme finish. So like, I was on my hands and knees you know, holding my hands together like this and, and, and, I was like, come on lady, this isn't working. It never works. None of this works, you know? Like, I don't get, like, how -- yeah, yeah, get me another beer, thanks -- like, someone could think praying (or like hoping with such intensity that a vein pops in your head) could even like, do anything? Like, what the fuck, you know? Like, yeah, I want this shit to stop, too, but like, what are we supposed to actually do? Don't answer that. Of course, yeah, fucking of course, I care. Like I wouldn't be talking about this if I didn't care you know? No, no, no, I mean, like, who am I supposed to talk to about this shit, like, who do I go to? Don't answer that. It's like, come on, like we don't have Spider-Man or, like, Superman, or whatever, so this shit is going to keep happening and, like, how am I supposed to deal with this? Don't answer that. Like, I've got so much shit going on in my life, how am I supposed to deal with this? Don't answer that. I mean, like, maybe, maybe, I just want people to know that I care, like, I'm not some self-centered jerk, you know? Like how do I let people, like, know, that like, I'm, uh, I'm informed and like, uh, you know, who do I talk to about this? Don't answer that. Don't answer that because, -- thanks for the drink [note: they take a sip] -- because of course I know you care. You know that I care. Like, you know, I mean, like, uh, hold on [note: another sip from the beer], like we all know that we all care, you know? But like, how do I, I mean, how do we, or, wait, I mean like, how far does caring actually go? Don't answer that.