3 years ago5,000+ Views
Flash fiction challenge accepted @VinMcCarthy
"Welcome to sonic, can I take your order?" "Yes can I have a orange slush and.... What do you want babe?" "Nothing." "Are you sure... Ok then. That will be all, thank you ma'am. " "That'll be $2.50 sir" "Is everything ok Marisa? You've been acting distant these past few days. You hardly want to hang out and you've been making the same face recently. You look weak and guilty at the same time. And every time we kiss you flinch a little." "Shut up your being dramatic, I kiss you all the time and it all feels normal. I don't flinch and I'm just stressing out. Please stop asking me if I'm ok." "Bull shit! I can tell when there's something on your mind. So just let it out already!" "God dammit Ernesto, stop provoking me! I need more time!" "Time for what? I don't understand? Why can't you just tell me?!" "Umm........ fuck... like what is. The truth is. Dam I don't know what I'm saying. Ok.... I love you but I don't know if I'm IN love with you?"
What a fun read! I remember many of these kinds of "blow-ups" in relationships that ultimately didn't work out. It felt as if one person had been waiting and hoping for an explanation that would never come, and the other simply let it all out finally. An explosion of sorts.
thanks for rising to the challenge! I like the use of dialogue here to tell the story, instead of relying on scenic detail. it feels far more intimate this way.