Sometimes life is a lot of talk and no action. In the waning days of summer where all you see are lazy days sprinkled with fun, it's easy to lose sight of what's important.
Staying on top of things does not require laser focus. It requires simple attention. When we try to stuff too much into our day we start to notice it doesn't fit, like the things in my suitcase. No matter how much we smash down and pack tactfully something will go wrong.
We often miss things when we are either overwhelmed or not busy at all. We forget to pack things like deodorant or shampoo. When life presents us with the choice of either sitting down or standing up, we've got to go with the later. Preparation and attention for me are the most important things to note when planning a trip.
I packed my entire life into a suitcase yesterday and man, was it hard. I found myself sitting in the middle of my room with my mother, who has already been crying for days at the thought of my departure, trying to fit 22 years into a 30 inch suitcase. T-Shirts and dresses, shirts and skirts, shoes and socks were the least of my worries as the suitcase filled up. She sat there laughing and trying to comprehend that her kid was leaving.
That can be a hard thing, coping with a sort of pseudo-loss of someone. Things will never be the same after I take off, and for me that's a good thing, but for the family I'm leaving I'm not so sure.
These feelings come in waves. Excitement and nervousness go hand in hand with anxiety and turmoil. The exact feeling is incalculable at this moment. If you attached fear and loathing to a freight train carrying anxiety and amazement you might come close.
Anyway the suitcase weighs like a million pounds, and the only thing standing between me and the dream is a singular flight. A three hour trip to Mecca. A second chance, a new start. All within 24 hour reach.
Before all the packing started My mother and I set out to find a suitcase that could hold two months of clothing. We went looking for big and sturdy, something that would last and protect. I feel like that's what we all look for in life too. We want our lives to be big and sturdy. We want our friends and family to last and protect. We need some sort of stability within the chaos to truly get things right. We need a suitcase to bundle up our emotions and our downfalls, with the nights we feel alive and mornings where we fall short. Because here in the Afterlife, second chances aren't a real thing. And no matter how new a start may feel, my mother said, "The baggage will follow you if you let it."