2 years ago
paulisadroid
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Interview with Man About Being in a Band and Writing Music
[Subject is wearing sleeveless shirt. Tattoos are exposed. One looks fresh]
So, yeah, I probably started a couple years ago. Three to be exact. But yeah, a friend of mine was like, "You gotta be in this band, man. Here's the song, learn it by next Saturday". When he said that I was, like, "oh man, how am I going to do this", you know? So, anyway, like, I didn't want to disappoint him, so I just, like, made it work [laughs].
Q
Oh, I don't know. 'Cause it's fun, dude. I mean, I can lose hours and hours just messing around. I don't really know many songs, though, like, I just play my own 'cause they're easier for me to, like, remember, you know? I don't know [laughs again. Note: Seems like he is in good spirits today].
Q
Okay, so, like, I'll probably get home from work or wherever, you know? And uh, I'll go to my bed room, lock the door and play like five or six songs in a row. It's like, I don't know this is embarrassing, should I say this? Yeah? Okay. Well, I sit in my room and, like, I play these songs like I'm playing a set, you know? Like, I close my eyes real tight and pretend that, like, I'm in a bar or a coffee house or something. It's really dumb, I know.
Q
I mean, I thought we were pretty fucking good. Like, we'd sit in [name redacted]'s basement for like twelve hours playing music. We did a lot together. It was really, really, fun. And, like, I think we both had our own reasons for continuing as long as we did, even though we probably shouldn't have [laughs]. I mean it's like, I thought we were brilliant. Like, we were the goddamn best, no one knew what to do when we got on stage even though we only played a handful of shows but, like, everyone and I mean, everyone, fucking hated us. We just liked having fun.
Q
You mean, other than the obligation to [name redacted]? Uh, yeah there was, uh, I mean. Should I say this? Like, I don't want to, you know, say anybody's name or whatever. You sure? Oh, you'll do that? Okay. Yeah, so anyway, there was this girl, [name redacted], and I was really, really, into her for a long time. Like, years, you know? So, yeah, I, uh [pauses] wanted to, uh, impress her.
Q
It, um, actually took a really long time, you know? Like, I had to figure out how to write an actual song and, uh, [name redacted] was really important to me at the time, so I wanted it to be really, really, good. But at the same time, I'm, like, really impatient, you know? So I just did it anyway.
Q
So, yeah. I ended up writing a bunch of songs for [name redacted]. Uh, I thought they were all, um, pretty good. Like, we ended up dating for a while and that was great, you know, while it lasted but I'm, um, I fucked it up.
Q
I just, um, I haven't really talked about this before, so, uh, sorry.
Q
It's fine, it's fine. I mean, I wasn't really doing any lifting you know? I was, uh, I was the asshole, you know? I write all these songs about, like, being in terrible relationships and shit, you know? But like, I'm always, uh, fucking crying about how so-and-so hurt me or whatever. But, um, that isn't really the truth. I'm usually the one, um, doing the hurting and that's what I did to [name redacted]. She didn't, uh, deserve it. It kind of eats at me, like, who I used to be and how I used to carry myself. Like, it's a problem, you know? No, I haven't talked to her since, I mean, I tried. But she doesn't deserve that, like, I turned our friendship into this, uh, mile marker for her, like, I'm now this time in her life that was, uh, fucking awful. So, yeah, she doesn't need me around anymore. I mean, I don't need to hurt anyone else anymore. I've, like, grown tired of that shit. So, uh [pauses], I don't really know what else you want me to say. Are we done? Like, that was pretty heavy.
[end of interview]
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