No Poor People Allowed: The Hampton's Beginners Guide
Well the kick off to summer has begun and that means the city will be draining itself of all the upper class, white families as they trek out to the ritzy, Manhattan getaway, where drugs, pool parties, endless popped bottles, popped collars and skinny martinis can be found littered across the magazine worthy beach houses. You can just call it the Hampton's for short.
So to help you all out and so you don't forget something super important like your board shorts again, I have complied a Hampton starter pack, just for you.
1. Crop Tops and Collared Shirts
Because even a BBQ at home is an occasion to dress up. Save the more expensive designers for the lobster dinner on Sunday.
Guys lets be real, no one wears sneakers in the Hampton's, they don't go with your slacks or your board shorts! Mandles go with everything, and really help you with that chilled out vibe the city just can't give you.
And I don't mean any of that Andre shit either. I'm talking about that good good. You'll spend the weekend drinking Mimosas till noon and Champagne toast the summer each night.
4. Doughnut Tube
Because why fucking not? Doughnuts are funny and in the Hampton's everyones funny, and has an array of pastries for brunch each day obviously.
Yes, the beach is right there, but sometimes its nice to not be with the peasants who come to the Hampton's just for a swim. Plus the beach doesn't have a diving board OR a fully stocked bar...well it does, but its a further walk.
6. Polo Hats
Because Bro... like who wants to burn?
7. A boat
Why drink on the beach OR in your pool when you can be on a fucking boat CHILLLLIN. Also comes with a fully stocked bar.
8. Snap Chat
Because really, if you didn't get the fireworks or the endless bottles of chilled wine on the beach onto the Hampton's SnapStory, were you even really in the Hampton's?
Because as douchey as the Hampton's is to everyone who doesn't have a house there...we all still really want to go. TAKE ME WITH YOU! I'll bring all the crop tops Forever 21 sells and sew on Burberry Tags!