2 years ago
danidee
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How To Fail At Babysitting: A Guide For Beginners Wanting To Get Out Fast
So you're a teenager, right? And you're looking to make some extra cash on the weekends. You've thought about mowing some lawns, having a garage sale, maybe even cleaning up after your grandma's hairdresser's dogs.
Relax, we've all been there. The foray into your very first job is tough! And most of the time, your parents are going to make the suggestion: "Hey, why not babysitting?"
Watching someone else's kids is the worst. No matter what the pay. However, pretty much everyone I know has been stuck being a babysitter at least once in their lives.
You want to know how to make sure you never have to do it again though? Be terrible at it. Be the worst babysitter you can possibly be, and I can assure you there'll be no repeat performances. Here's how:

Roll Up To The House Looking Like A Convict.

Do you know what parents really love? When you have the reassuring gaze of a sociopath and some vaguely gang-related face tattoos. I'm not saying to get out of babysitting by getting face tattoos, but I mean, if you want to, it will totally help your case.

Let Them Eat Candy For Dinner.

Sure, Mom made sure to let you know about the turkey roast leftovers in the fridge, but who wants to eat the same dinner two nights in a row when you could be eating your weight in Twizzlers? Cavities schnavities. You're not the one paying their dental bill.

Put On Some R-Rated Movies.

Think about it this way: In the time it takes to watch 'Frozen' six times in a row, you could be watching the entire 'Texas Chainsaw Massacre' franchise - including the 2003 reboot! Give these kids some culture. (And maybe a couple barf bags. Just in case.)

Use Hide & Seek As A Much Needed Break.

Have them count backward from 50, and use the extra time to get the heck out of there. Walk back into the house to raid the fridge, take a nap on the couch, or make that long-distance phone call you were meaning to make on the landline. Kids are terrible at Hide & Seek.

Forget What Time They Go To Bed.

Who goes to bed at a realistic hour when there's a babysitter anyway? Wasn't that the whole novelty of having a babysitter growing up in the first place? Pillow fights that last until midnight are pretty much the only pillow fights worth having. Trust me on this.
And there you have it, another installment of my How To Ruin Your Life series: How To Fail At Babysitting. Follow my advice, and you can be among the next generation of crappy sitters. (Believe in yourself. Just look at what it did for Lorde.)
danidee clipped in 1 collections
3 comments
Hahahaha love it. Face tattoos are definitely in the budget if it means I never have to watch my neighbor's screaming child-demons again!