3 years ago10,000+ Views
So I hear some jerk let you slip though their fingers. Did they not realize how awesome you are? How amazingly clever you are? How you're funny as shit?
Well they obviously were not paying attention so screw them! You don't need the useless baggage anyway.
But for the first couple days after the breakup you do need some epic Netflix binges (see here for ideas), the comfy sweatpants the Ex will never see again, and ALL THE FOOD THAT WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU HEART BROKEN!
To help you with your epic breakup meal prep, I have compiled a list of all necessary break up foods. Mix, match and add your own!
1. All of the candy.
Just like having your period, a break up needs to be soothed by chocolate...and twizzlers, and, marshmallows. And you know what, make some popcorn and throw half the candy into the bag, shake it up aggressively (to get some anger out), and eat by the fistful.
2. Macaroni and Cheese
Ugh, I need Macaroni and Cheese all of the time, not just when I'm sad. But when nursing a broken heart Mac&Cheese will fill in the emptiness stupid love has left. If you are vegan never fear, try out DaniDee's recipe so you can grief in peace. Also, little pro tip, you can literarily add anything too Mac and Cheese and it will still taste BOMB!
Add some ketchup. Don't question, just do and thank me later.
3. Ice Cream
This list wouldn't be complete without the classic pint of ice cream. Get any flavor, or better yet two flavors and mix them all together. I have a friend that swears by pouring milk into the ice-cream for it to crystallize and add a creamy crutch (didn't think that was even possible to have).
4. Pizza
Pizza. How can you even still feel upset when delicious, gooey pizza is waiting for you to eat in bed while watching every single horror movie where the lover dies. Depending on how long you dated you might need the pizza cake pictured above.
5. Bacon...and pretty much all Red MEAT
Get some fat, greasy red meat into your system. Maybe its because you need to see a little blood or maybe its because you just wanna stab something; either way grab some steak, slap some bacon into it (because duh bacon) and go to town.
6. Chinese takeout
Simple, convient, tastes excellent cold after a few hours on the bed side table, and can be delivered. Nothing is better then housing half the menu like you always wanted to do in the relationship but didn't want to look fat. Also get extra garlic sauce because fuck everyone you ain't kissing shit.
7. Pancakes...or any cake really
Ughhhhhhhhhh pancakes are the best 2am food for when you stumble upon a rom-com that makes you want to commit murder. Instead of ending up with 25 to life, whip up some cake batter (red velvet is my life) and make it into a pancake!
Add icing or you are the worst type of human.
8. Fries
Nothing says comfort food and happiness like a plate of piping hot french fries. If you have amazing friends (which I know you do because you rock and your Ex is just a moron), you can ask them to deliver you fries from your fav place. Just make sure they don't forget the dipping sauce or life is actually over.
9. Alcohol
Because nothing makes you feel better then getting fucked up. I would try and wait until you have some friends to drink with you and constantly remind you that you are much better off but hey, you're in mourning, DO YOU.
Mac and cheese, ice cream, Chinese take-out, repeat.
@JordanNash i want fries so badly right now ughhh making this card has made me starving!! @jordanhamilton haha maybe you can cheat a little and do this after a long week! just veg out and eat your face off! i might do that this weekend.... if it ever gets here !
Oh my goodness haha I love this card! Fries and ice cream are my go-to! And pizza :)
@danidee i want the pizza and fries and alcohol .......
This is my diet on most days. So needless to say, I'm obsessed with this.
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