You might have heard of the Porn Star Martini – a vodka martini flavored with passion fruit and Prosecco – but have you met the Slow Screw?
What started as a variation on the classic Screwdriver (that's vodka and orange juice, for the uninitiated) has spawned more variations than a Beatles song – and each one is dirtier than the last.
So we'll start with the basics. The Slow Screw is ostensibly so named because it's made with sloe gin, a British spirit made from the sloe, an unpleasant little berry that's a close relative of the plum. Here's the original Slow Screw recipe:
1 ½ shot Ketel One vodka
¾ shot Sloe gin liqueur
3 ½ shot fresh orange juice
Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into a Collins glass.
It's a Screwdriver plus sloe gin, pretty much. But what do you call it, say, if you add a little SoCo to the mix...?
Slow Comfortable Screw
Add ½ shot of Southern Comfort. Now you've got yourself a comfortable screw. How sweet!
But let's say you're in the mood for something a little edgier. You might prefer a...
Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall
Just add ¼ shot of Galliano L'Autentico liqueur, which gives the whole shebang a slight herbal flavor. The "Wall" bit comes from another rather dirty-sounding drink, the Harvey Wallbanger, which is a Screwdriver plus Galliano.
Heaven knows how people think of these names. Especially the next one...
Slow Comfortable Screw Against a Cold Hard Wall
Now the wall's cold and hard – so how is this still comfortable?! Let's review: Sloe gin is the "slow," Southern Comfort is the "comfortable," vodka and OJ are the "screw" (because Screwdriver), and Galliano is the "wall" (because Harvey Wallbanger) – and now the wall just became "cold," thanks to the addition of ice, and "hard" because we added ⅛ shot of Overproof rum.
Phew, this drink is getting exhausting! I imagine you've gotta have a pretty long endurance to handle it... all that hard work has earned you a little affection. Introducing the...
Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall with a Kiss
Take the good ol' S.C.S.A.T.W. and add amaretto. Why that counts as a "kiss," I have no idea... but amaretto sure is something I like to put near my mouth. (Amaretto sour, anyone? Oh no...am I the girliest drinker in the universe?)
But come on, guys! We're being way too politically correct here! Let's spice it up. How about we try the...
Slow Comfortable Mexican Screw Against the Wall
As Jack Donaghy would say, "Wow. That does not... sound right." Of course, the "Mexican" comes from the addition of that quintessentially Mexican spirit (but is it, though?), Tequila.
Enough of this wall business. My legs are getting tired. Let's try out a...
Slow Comfortable Screw Between the Sheets
HOW ARE THESE EVEN REAL. So it turns out there's another dirty drink made from rum and cognac, and it's called a Between the Sheets. And so, when we add a little Rémy Martin cognac and some Bacardi Carta Blanca rum, this is what we get. Much more comfortable, in my opinion.
But at the same time, maybe a little too traditional. Let's get weird! With my personal fave, the...
Slow Comfortable Fuzzy Screw Against the Wall
That's right: fuzzy. We're talking OJ, vodka, sloe gin, SoCo, Galliano, and... drumroll, please... Peach schnapps! Just when this drink could not get any weirder, it did. My brain and taste buds are SO confused, as I try to wrap my head around how exactly this would taste.
...Bad? Not so bad? It's unclear. I guess we'll just all have to try one sometime. And if you think I'm making all this up, you can verify for yourself – the Slow Screw and its many variations are a real (weird) thing.