You wake up and reach for your phone it's 8:30 in the morning and you're okay with this even though it's the weekend. You sit up on your bed and put on the nearest pair of pants. You're rubbing your temples and thinking that you shouldn't drink so much. You feel like you still might be drunk. You take a quick scan of the room, hoping you didn't knock anything over. But you did. A small box with a broken lock on the front.
It's the same small box you use to keep everything your ex has given you over the years. Letters, collages, birthday and Christmas cards line your floor. You read each one.
It's been months, you think to yourself, why do these items still make me feel good. You don't know. You don't know why you keep this junk, to remind yourself of "better times". It still ended and you're still lonely, right now. You think that contacting her might be a good idea (it isn't. She is a good person, the same way you are. But when you're together you're toxic).
You look at all the empty promises you made. "I will marry you. I love you. My last love." You feel an ache in your chest. You feel like a liar. You don't know why keep this stuff. You slap the keys on your laptop until you find the perfect song to describe this moment:
"And if this box is empty. Go out and find another one. With a prettier design. And greater depth inside. And a lid to keep it from all spilling out. And you could fill it up with letters. From back when things were better. And both of you had blinders on. Read storybooks together. And you pretended away all the bad things..."
These lyrics ring and ring in your head. You are pretending away all the bad things. You remember how you hurt her and how she might have hurt you. You're letting it all spill out. And then you think, maybe that isn't such a bad thing.
You take the contents of the box and put them in a small plastic bag. You tie it up and toss it into the corner of your room. You stare at it for a while, like you want to put it back in the box. But you stop yourself. Yes, you stop yourself for once and you think:
This box was empty before the letters and cards and collages were in that bag.