jordanhamilton
2 years ago5,000+ Views
Shallow Hal Is Real: How Low Can He Go?

Shallow (adj.) - of little depth

If you've ever seen the film Shallow Hal than you probably already have some idea of what is card is going to be about. Yes, you guess it shallow men. No matter how fast you run, you just can't seem to get away from them. They are everywhere, like mosquitoes in the summertime. They usually only see the picture from one side and refuse to view it from any other angle.
Don't get me wrong, women can be just as shallow (if not more shallow) than men. But men aren't very nice when it comes to being judgmental and how low they will go. Women have a way of laying it on a man in a nice apologetic manner, whereas a man will have you fall for him to tell you that he doesn't see things going anywhere.
Looks are important, but I mean should those physical matters really be the deciding factor on whether things will work out or not? Being shallow doesn't allow you to see a person for who they really are and that sucks. You can have something amazing sitting right in front of you and miss out on a good thing because you wanted to be a jerk.
Beware of these signs -- I've created a short list of the tell tale signs you should look out for to warn you if you happen to be dealing with a shallow individual.

Sign #1: He insults you all the time.

Instead of telling you how beautiful you are, he constantly mentions something negative.

Sign #2: If you don't have a face or body like Beyonce, he's not having it.

But excuse me sir, you're no Denzel Washington yourself. Pump your breaks boo.

Sign #3: He only focuses on the physical, never your mental.

If his main focus is what size you wear, but not your views on the world, love and life -- he's a waste of time and you should want absolutely nothing to do with him.
A woman dressed up in a fat suit and went on a couple Tinder dates. The reactions of a large percentage of the guys will surprise you, but then again it won't be that surprising. Talk about shallow.

Ladies, what are your thoughts on this tinder experiment?

10 comments
Wow. I love this. I think that shallow people (both sexes) have a tendency to be unable to face their own fears and hang-ups... think about it; if you are afraid to look inside yourself for answers that can unlock the doors to happiness you're going to focus externally. Sadly there are no external doors to lasting - true happiness - it is a state of being you can only reach by becoming self-aware and understanding your true self; your inner self. Most of the really shallow men I've known (sad to say I have several who are relatives - Hi Dad!) are so deeply afraid that anyone/everyone around them will see them for what they are (lost/afraid/weak) that they avoid their fears by building a facade. And are some other words for facade? Superficial... fake... not real.... If they are afraid that they are truly not worthy of success and are a failure they'll go to great lengths to pretend to be and present to the world the illusion they are successful. In "Shallow Hal" - his best friend - who BTW in the looks department for sure would qualify under the #2 Beyonce/Denzel Rule above - was actually afraid that he'd be rejected for having a vestigial tail. Gives a literal meaning to his "acting like a dog" behavior. He had allowed his fear to overwhelm and control every aspect of his life and he was a miserable, sad person as a result. The sad thing in my opinion is that so many people equate looks, financial status, and power as "winning" attributes in a companion instead of considering intelligence, kindness, and passion as key. I know many people who are more concerned about what others will think if their love interest isn't someone they feel is "presentable". And their definition of presentable is often based on the lies that popular culture has fed us for generations. To any female reading my comments here - look in the mirror and choose to see your "imperfections" - whatever anyone would have you believe is a flaw - and understand that you are not flawed at all... you are you. And there is only one of you in the world. There will ONLY ever be one of you. And that makes you very special. Understand that you have been tricked into feeling that your unique beauty is in fact something that should be covered over or hidden or changed and that you've been told a lie your entire life so that cosmetics and clothing companies can make a lot of money. They sell the idea of flaws and train you to look at yourself with a critical eye so they can sell you crap you don't need. I want to tell you - it makes me so sad... As a professional photographer I am surrounded by so many models that come in off the streets and they are just normal woman. They get all this hair and makeup done and I have to do this and that with the lights, etc... And it is to present a lie to you. I can't tell you how it has hurt for me to see such beautiful women - real women - say that they hate their freckles, or hair, or eyes, or lips, or whatever - because when I see them (when most people see them) the things they've focused on are things we'd never notice. Don't allow people with a self-serving agenda tell you that you are less that beautiful. I know women who are in their 30's who color their hair to hide the slight touches of silver they've started growing. Why? What does hair color truly have to do with your value as a person? Age is beautiful because there's something genuine and real about the journey anyone takes in life when they are blessed with opportunity to know true love. I want to celebrate every line (some call them wrinkles), every grey hair, every change that time brings as I grow older with my love. Those physical changes are a visual reminder of the journey we have shared. I cannot stomach plastic surgery. It's a lie. It's perverse. The fact that the media and society has enslaved women (and men) into believing that without surgery - wait... think about that... SURGERY - the process of taking sharp instruments and cutting on a person's body - really? Wow. That women and men have bought into the belief that their "best version" of themselves (I live in LA and because of Hollywood the local TV advertisements for plastic surgery are so vile and sickening - and constant) has more to do with expensive surgeries and less to do with becoming a better person from the inside. Anyway... I could go on about how sad it is to see so many beautiful women feel pressure to get surgery to be a "better version of themselves" when in fact they are already perfect in their own unique and natural way. Lastly, about your first comment - yeah... that's a real game changer. Love isn't about control or beating someone down. Anyone who would profess to love you and then do nothing but berate you and criticize you is not anyone you should waste one second of your time on. Why? Because your partner, your love, should be the one who protects your heart and lifts you up. They should be the one who accepts you for both all of your positive and negative attributes. They should focus their love and friendship in helping you make you strengths stronger and making your weaknesses weaker. Not the other way around. When you truly are capable of loving someone you have to first be able to love yourself. That means you have to be a friend to yourself. If your best friend was being treated poorly in a relationship how would that make you feel? If you wouldn't stand for it then never allow yourself to be put in that same position. Demand respect, give respect, and go with love.
2 years ago·Reply
@jordanhamilton - Ms. Lauryn Hill... I had the honor of being her stage photographer during the "LA Rising" concert back in 2011 - she had just given birth to her 6th child the week before - no joke... this beautiful and amazingly talented woman had just given birth and here she was on stage performing in from of 50,000 people. It was an amazing concert and Ms. Hill and her band were truly wonderful to work with. Funny that you used a quote from on of her songs. I think that because we have brains that are designed for problem solving that some people (for whatever reason) don't value relationships that are simple or don't come without a fight. It gives them a sense of purpose and accomplishment to have overcome or continually be engaged in some dire situation. You have to watch out for "drama" people. They will always purposefully introduce drama into their relationships because it gives them a sense of control. They feel most alive when engaged in some sort of emotional conflict - either real or manufactured. The truth is that no relationship is ever simple... but that doesn't mean that they can't be easy. Through honesty and communication - and most importantly a desire to put your relationship first - making it the top priority in your life (before work, friends, family, etc...) you can enjoy a relationship what takes a surprisingly small amount of work to maintain. If you and your love are on the same page about what is most important - meaning that your relationship comes first - then it's really difficult for external influences to disrupt your happiness and tranquility. @shannonl5 - I hate to sound like some sort of conspiracy theorist about this - but I agree with you totally and would even go so far as to say that the negative messages about beauty and loving yourself starts with small children in our society - Barbee Dolls and little girl dress up and makeup kits - things that appear harmless but are not. I think that the most dangerous time in cementing negative beliefs regarding self-image and acceptance of one's own inner beauty (and that of others) is the teenage years. Look at the disturbing trend - the rise in number of plastic surgeries among teenage girls. Is the desire to be molded into a form that one feels is acceptable by others so strong that teens (who are not even fully matured and grown from a biological standpoint) feel so compelled to alter their bodies? And shame on any parent that thinks enabling such dangerous thinking is OK. Its very disturbing. Kids should be taught to look at themselves and to look at others with eyes that see deeper than whatever is on the outside. You are not the cloths you wear - the car you drive - the house you live in - the color of your skin - the features of your face - the shape of your body - etc... Your value is defined by the good and/or bad that your actions and deeds bring into the world. It's that simple. Beauty isn't skin deep. Beauty - true beauty - begins beneath the skin. I'd rather give my love and energy to a person that has a beautiful heart - a beautiful mind. Nothing else really matters to me.
2 years ago·Reply
I don't think it's a conspiracy theory at all @JonPatrickHyde growing up I was the target of those images. The boys and young men around me absorbed them as well, and felt entitled to critiquing their female peers, making inappropriate comments about their weight, makeup, and appearance. Very few young men were encouraged to think of us as people, with feelings and ideas and needs independent of theirs. Instead, they were taught to think of us as ornamental. It was very discouraging and alienating. Even though I did not buy into those negative messages, my peers had. And those same peers have now grown up steadfastly adhering to those same negative messages. They are employers and bosses and coworkers- people whose respect you need to garner in order to live your life. I think this negativity has become so entrenched in our society that it's reached a point where you either play along (and you're a bad representative of women) or you don't (and you lose power and respect and the ability to be heard). There's really no way to win. You mentioned you worked with models- I bet it's really difficult for them to compete in the industry if they don't adhere to a very strict standard of beauty, and often I imagine even if they don't agree they're not in a position to advocate for change. It can be very frustrating.
2 years ago·Reply
Great add on @shannon15 ! I too, believe that growing old is such a beautiful process. Why not embrace it. I'm def all for encouraging both compassion and empathy. It seems like you two have the correct mindset. I'm all for the positivity on this card! Keep it coming :)
2 years ago·Reply
So insightful as always @JonPatrickHyde I'm glad you acknowledged that these insecurities aren't coming from some nebulous place. They're intentionally constructed. And unfortunately a lot of people don't just digest the negative messages we're being sold by the media; they regurgitate them and perpetuate the cycle of self-hatred and insecurity. It's really tragic. We shouldn't demonize signs of aging, we should embrace them! They're a sign of growth and maturity. We shouldn't idolize selfishness or such overly critical behavior, instead we should encourage compassion and empathy.
2 years ago·Reply
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