So you really like this girl, huh? That's cool man, I'm happy for you, yeah, that's great. Lemme ask you something, though? Have you made her a mix yet? No? Oh you're going to, okay, cool. Wait... Do you even know how? You don't just slap songs into a playlist and burn it, man, there's style, there's grace, it's an art, you know? Alright, alright, alright. Don't worry, I'll walk you through it.
You're gonna need a lot of music, man. Yeah, yeah, I know you've got a lot but you want it to be eclectic, you know? Like, you're not going to, like, put a bunch of songs the both of you listen to in the car on the way to your movie-then-dinner date, are you? You weren't really going to do that, were you? That's terrible. You're terrible. You need to buy or download, uh, [whispers] illegally, everything. Like, everything you listened to in your life, everything they listened to in their life. When I say everything I mean the universe plus another universe, you know? You guys are different galaxies, alright? You didn't grow up in the same town or the same scene, okay? She's probably not into Saves The Day as much as you are, right? Maybe just the one song you play when you're in the car with her, that don't mean she's into it. You need to feel her out, dude. No, not like that you gutter brain, I mean, like, get into what she's into then find what you can find on your own, get it? You follow?
Hold on, wait, come here [opens laptop, searches YouTube]. Watch this scene right now. Yeah we'll watch together, it's short, man. Just do it [they watch the clip]. What do you mean you've never seen this movie? How old are you? I know we're the same age but come on, man. High Fidelity, it's such a good goddamn movie and here you are the music-asshole-hipster that you exist as, never having seen it. I'm disappointed, man. I really am. And listen you will hear about this later, but anyway, let's move on. Just in case you weren't paying attention, you gotta start out with a banger you know? Like grab the attention quick. It's all about the feeling, you know? How do you want her to feel while she's taking a shower listening to your bad taste in music? You want her to fall over and break an ankle 'cause she's laughing at you so hard? No, not at all. You want her to cry and leave it in her car stereo forever so every time she drives she'll think of you and your face and your smile and how goddamn sweet you are, you got me? Anyway, I like to do something a little different, -- yeah, feel free to take this, it's why I'm telling you, stupid -- I like to pretend I'm scoring a movie you know? Like if you live life with this person and, you know, I guess you just want to place the songs in a way that'll tell a story. With the lyrics and how it is aurally. No, dude. Aurally, A-U-R-A-L-L-Y, like the ear. I swear, man, you're the fucking worst.
But if you really, really fuckin' like this girl. You make her an actual mixtape. I know, man, it's a lot of work. It takes a lot of time. And yeah, sure, it's 2015 no one has a cassette player anymore but you buy her one of those, too. You put a lot of work and effort into it, you know? What do you mean why is this romantic? It's extremely romantic, you're giving her a piece of yourself, you know. You're not just dragging and dropping and dragging and dropping files, man. You're making something for her with your hands and if you mess up a little bit maybe you cut off a bit of the song or whatever, even better. She'll be able to hear your fingerprints, you know what I'm saying? And, and, and the fact that no one has cassette tapes and no one listens to cassettes is special, alright? You're gonna give her this thing, that only she can listen to, that only she can use, that has your literal fingerprints all over it. It's you, man. You are the mixtape. No, never. I haven't liked anyone or, uh, loved anyone that intensely to make them a mixtape. But, you know, one day.