I had this dream the other night. No, no, not that dream. It was just as weird, though. Just as intense. It want to say that, like, it was about someone I met but it really wasn't, you know? You ever have one of those dreams where you're hanging out with one person for what feels like forever but then you look at them again and it isn't them? Or have you ever had one of those weird, Inception-like dreams? You know, where you think you wake up but you're not really awake? That's kind of what happened.
I was driving across town, you know? Just with this person and, I guess, I knew it was dream because I was driving way too fast. Anyway, so there we were holding hands or whatever and driving through all these back roads and then this song comes on the radio -- which is weird because the radio was off (this is sorta how I knew it was a dream, you know?) -- and this song came on but, like, it didn't start at the beginning it started, um, right around, [singing poorly]
"and if i take this corner, I'll take the whole god damned street back! I heard living like this can take, can take years off your life! (you've got to let me go) if you could make me fine, you could make me alright (got to let me go)."
And I, like, slammed the brakes on the car and everything started to fade, you know? Because that's exactly how I felt about this person in my car. I wanted to be let go, and you know, we've gotten pretty close and maybe that's close enough? Am I making sense? I was like subconsciously aware that I was letting this person in and letting someone in is the last fucking thing I want, you know? I can't remember the last time that worked out.
Anyway, everything started to fade, right? And I felt like I was waking up and for a second I thought I was waking up. 'Cause the next thing I see is my bedroom and I'm covered in my sheets and blankets but then I notice someone sitting in the room with me.
And it was one of my ex-girlfriends, you know? Yeah, the one I really loved and just, fucking, uh, I blew it, you know? I caved into my self-destructive nature and, well, I self-destructed. I left her and I haven't talked to her in years. Yeah, it sucks. It totally sucks.
But anyway, she's sitting there and she says hello. And this song starts playing, you know it kind goes like [singing, again]:
"I’d give myself a hand if I were you. The right words are never ones I say. Songs like these, they carry little weight now 'cause they’re about honesty. They’re about sincerity. And I gave you neither. And I took everything for me. And I have broken your heart, for the first and only time. One day I’ll feel this way too. On the receiving end of heavy handed logic"
And that's exactly how I felt about this girl, you know? I, just, fucked everything up... Anyway, we start talking and I start telling her how I happy I am for her and she starts telling me that she's happy for me -- you know, 'cause I'm finally getting my shit together -- and she asks me if I ever think about her and I tell her I do, almost everyday. And she tells me she doesn't think of me. It's okay, I say to her, I know, she says to me.
I'm just happy you're happy, I just want you to be happy, I say to her. And she smiles at me. Then I wake up, you know?
So I grab my phone and send her an e-mail that says:
I'm happy you're happy now.
What? No, she didn't get back to me. It's alright, thought. She's better off.