4 years ago5,000+ Views
Hey You its Me,
I know you remember. It's been a while, 4 years in fact, but I just drove past the beach you use to work at and I looked for your car, even though I know you aren't here anymore.
You're off living your life with her. It's not like I didn't see that coming, you getting back with her after you decided not to come back to school; to me. I was ready for the final goodbye, planned for a kiss and a lot of tears. And a final good bye.
What you gave me was a few more hang outs, a night you drove an hour to my house at 3am just to say hi, and texts that told me you missed me every few days. What you gave me was a text left hanging for days as the sickening feeling grew in my stomach that you didn't plan to give me a real good bye. You gave me a notification from Facebook that you are back "in a relationship with her."
What I gave you was a lie, a text pleading that "we could still be friends even though you're back with her", which you took because it was easy, because when you visit school its convenient.
I don't remember when seeing your name lit up on a text became a shock. When our conversations were lost on old phones that broke, were replaced and were forgotten about. When I stopped waking up wondering if you were wondering about me when you were waking up with her.
I can't remember who texted last and if it was angry, the way you kept getting at me towards the end when I wouldn't tell you I Loved You back.
I wonder if she knows you said that to me or if you have always been faithful after me, or if you stopped being friends with our mutual friends because they reminded you of me the same reason I stopped hanging out with them because they reminded me of you.
I didn't write this to reach out to you again. I am in love, really in love this time, with someone who knows how to love me back. But you letting Us just drop away, (and yes I know it was somehow you) with our final good bye left hanging somewhere in-between the beginning and the end, keeps me wondering...
But I have to say, it doesn't happen a lot anymore. It happens when I pass the beach you work at, or the same ugly car you use to have, or the weird songs you use to make me listen to.
I want you to know, I don't wonder about what we could have been anymore. I finally don't care about that. It's just hard not to wonder about the disappearing man.
@rodiziketan thank you so much! sometimes its nice to get all the feelings even if they are confusing on paper just to see what you end up with!
Yes we have to tell our loved ones daily we love them because we never know it could be their last day or even ours so the ones we love will have closure & so will we. God bless 馃尰馃尀,, I suffer from anxiety but it gets me no where so I let it go as quick as it comes,no need to waste our energy on negative, it sounds like you're happy now so stay positive and let go of negative,, but that comes with practice if that helps you.. 馃槂
You can always think about it as an unexpected death ( not wishing it) but it's the same when you lose someone in death unexpectedly... it really really hurts & no closure. I do know what that feels like, so you hit it on point with your words, reminded me of my loss,, thanks for sharing..
I really like this.
@yodego I totally agree. I have such bad anxiety about death, especially unexpected deaths so I totally get what you're saying. That's why I try to tell everyone who I care about how much I care about them alllll the time! It's gives me such bad anxiety