How To Keep Yourself From Falling In Love Too Quickly
Can't stop thinking about that special someone? You know who I'm talking about. The cutie who's been running through your mind all week. The one who's giving you butterflies, and keeping from getting anything productive done, and occupying valuable headspace that you should be using for something more important, like curing cancer or something. Damn that cute smile! And that charming mouth!... and that beautiful body... and STOP RIGHT THERE!
If you're on the brink of falling hard for somebody you shouldn't be falling for, or you're already way too into someone who might not feel the same way, here's how to dig in your heels and resist. (And if you're not sure whether it's time to take drastic action, check out @jordanhamilton's card, How To Know When It Is Time to Fall Back)
Recognize obsessive behaviors.
Do you find yourself checking your texts constantly? Doodling their name in hearts instead of doing your homework? Spending more time on their Facebook page than your own? Recognize these things as obsessive behaviors – and cut it out. Too many people fail to acknowledge this one simple fact: you are the boss of your own brain! Choosing to constantly daydream about this person (and it IS a choice!) is only going to feed your infatuation.
See the reality, not the fantasy.
I know I have a bad habit of idealizing my crushes: dreaming up noble intentions for them, convincing myself they're more mature and selfless than they really are... basically, exaggerating every good quality, and purposefully refusing to see the bad ones. I constantly make excuses for guys, because I want so badly for them to be this amazing, special person. But you know what? It's better to be honest with yourself. See them for who they really are and save yourself the pain of future disappointment.
Don't move too quickly.
Listen, I'm a modern gal. I'm definitely not here to tell you to save anything for marriage. But biologically, the human animal is wired to equate physical intimacy with emotional intimacy. Oxytocin, a hormone released during sex, is shown to cause the brain to experience feelings of trust and closeness. Sleeping with someone can make you feel a deeper bond with them than you might have otherwise, so if you want to keep yourself from falling head over heels too quickly, put off that home run a little longer.
So this person's getting all up in your brain waves and throwing off your groove. Focus on something else! Throw yourself into work, a hobby, or a new project. Find joy in something you love, rather than seeking exterior affirmation based on the attention this person pays you.
Diversify your portfolio.
As long as you're both on the same page about it, see other people! Mix it up. Go on casual dates. Flirt with strangers at bars. Make new "friends." This one's my favorite, because it's definitely the most fun way to keep yourself from falling head over heels for someone too quickly. Take the focus off of that one specific person, and realize there are plenty of people who can give you those warm fuzzy feelings!
Congratulations! Your world no longer revolves around that one, insignificant, oddly attractive person. Now you can forget about them for a while, and feel secure in the fact that you are strong, you can stand on your own two feet, and you don't need anyone's attention to make you feel complete! You go, you awesome human, you.