I remember when I was fearless. When I would do anything just to prove that I was brave enough. Remember when we kissed a spider? Fell off Sam’s roof? Road down the hill in the woods and fell head long into the lake?
Yeah, I remember when I use to be fearless. You still are, heading to freshmen year of high school, annoyed that it has to be an all girls school. I don't really know what happened between then and now, a year after college. Spoiler alert you, we, made it. And yes, we had the time of our life.
Maybe it was all the girls rattling off the list of boys they have already hooked up with while we stayed silent, maybe it was the teachers constantly saying we weren't good enough to make it to honors. Maybe it was the scare we had with Dad’s kidney that makes us so terrified to lose someone. Don't worry he made it, you can thank Mom for that one.
I want to tell you that it will be ok. That there isn't a reason to wrack yourself with doubt, every decision you make suddenly a swirl of second guesses and anxious knots, making your stomach impossible to settle. Every word coming out of your mouth shouldn't be obsessed over for the next few hours until something else captures our worry.
Fights will happen, friends will be lost, and moments of sheer embarrassment are going to happen. But losses only leave room for more amazing friendships, growing up tubby will only thrust you head long into a body positive movement that teaches you a self love that will be greater then any love a boy you haven't kissed yet can give you. Not dating till college worked for you, and I wish I could give you spoilers on that but I don't want to ruin anything, even the heart breakers have made us who we, I, am now.
But I can try and give you some advice. Don't lose yourself in someone who doesn't want to lose themselves in you. They wont help you find your way back.
Don’t change yourself and make excuses to your friends for someone you can't even be yourself around.
Don't let peoples constant warnings of failures seep into your serotonin making you second guess the original thoughts that ignite your brain.
And please, don't let mean girls, useless boys, and fake friends confuse your self worth with their hatred.
Because you will make it, you will end up writing, and you will end up turning 23 being anxious about almost everything, but brave enough to not let it stop you from doing anything.
You rock, don't ever change (and I mean that),
The Future You