I'm not going to lie to you, buddy. It's not going to to get better. A lot of people will tell you that, yes, you'll improve. You'll get better, things will get easier. But that's not the truth. Ten years from now you'll be writing this letter trying your hardest to figure out the best way to tell your younger self something encouraging and inspiring. You'll sit here and stare at your super-computer-time-machine and think about all the things you've messed up and all the things you wish you could have done.
And, you know what, fuck it. I was going to tell you everything you should do. I was going to tell you to stay out of this relationship and stay in that one. But I'm not. Sorry, man. I'm not. I was going to tell you that you deserve better, that maybe, you know, you'll make something of yourself. But, I know you hate liars and you'll grow to hate lying even more so I'm not going to do that to us.
You ever hear of that idea that, like, maybe, if you think about another universe that it'll come into existence but, like, you'll never see it because you can't travel between universes, you know? Well, this is sort of like that but we both exist in the same universe. The same shitty, terrible, sad universe.
It'll be hard. It'll be embarrassing. You'll hate your life. You'll want to die, you'll think about it all the fucking time and I swear to god, Paul, you'll never get over it. You'll fight every good goddamn day to put one foot in front of the other in the right direction and not in front of a bus. You'll never shoot a gun but if you do, the bullet's going through the brain pan.
You'll think about that alternate reality, that parallel universe, and that's what'll make you happy, if you can even call it that because it won't really last long enough for you to feel it. But you'll think about yourself in another world. Where you smile and garden and skateboard and dream. But that isn't this universe, I'm sorry. It's not and it never will be.
But you'll get by. You will. You'll get by long enough to write a drunken letter to your past self on a piece of technology you don't understand. You'll get a job, a fucking good one, and you'll never think that you deserve it. You'll die alone and scared like every asshole before you.
But you know what, you'll see some cool shit along the way. And that could be worth it.