paulisadroid
2 years ago1,000+ Views
Wanting Someone to Make the First Move
[Subject is playing with a small silver dinosaur. He opens his mouth and closes it. He is unsure of what to say. Seems distracted. Must find out why] Everything's fine. I guess. I don't know. She gave this to me. And, I haven't seen her in a while you know, but I saw her last Saturday and, I don't know. It was. It was okay, I guess. We've gotten really close and I really, I really like this one. I don't know what's wrong with me but every time, I think about her I feel something inside me shift and turn like something's wrong. But nothing's wrong, right? No, it isn't. It's like my body forgot what it means to be okay with feeling these things. But I know, I know, like really know, that I want something more than what I've been doing for the past month. I really do. No, this has nothing to do with you. That was months ago. I don't fucking care about you anymore. I'm still here because I made a commitment to this program and to whatever this shit is for -- which you still haven't told me by the way, is there some fucking computer somewhere with gigabytes of my dumb fucking voice and my long, drawn-out stories? I know, I know you're not at liberty to say. But whoever is listening to this shit, I want them to know it's a little fucked up and if it wasn't for the [information classified] I wouldn't be doing this.
Anyway, yeah. You ever have a feeling about a person? Like a real fucking feeling and not that shit you gave to me [subject isn't over it], like you really care about a person. You really want them in your life and more than just an asshole you call in middle of the night because you're drunk and your best friend called you stupid for not being able to commit. Someone you want to tell all of your fucking secrets to, someone that, like, you want to share the rest of your life with. You ever have that feeling about a person? It's like this song I heard the other day, the end of it goes something like uh, I'm not ready to, uh, hold on [subject looks at his phone and reads]:

I'm not ready to be happy. But if you would take my hand, and lay me down so softly, I think I'd make it out just fine.

And I'm not, you know, I don't really understand happiness with someone else just yet. I don't. I don't know if I ever will. And part of me feels like that's okay. But I just wish... I don't know. Ugh. I don't know how many times you've heard me say this but... I just wish that I could find someone that, like, wants to be around me. And would fucking tell me for once. Take my hand, you know, like the song. Just take my fucking hand. [end of interview]
3 comments
THIS! I felt every single world. going through a similar situation and those lyrics are so relevant. perfect writing :)
2 years ago·Reply
I am all too familiar with this want, and this inability to even talk about it right.
2 years ago·Reply
@jordanhamilton @VinMcCarthy thanks a lot guys, I find myself in that situation constantly and it's good to know there are others familiar with the feeling.
2 years ago·Reply
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