You're in the woods, or what you would call the woods because you can't hear cars or see buildings in the distance. She runs ahead of you and sits down in an open area, one that isn't so surrounded by small shrubs and tall trees. You find a clean enough spot next to her and she smiles. You look at her and something inside you tells you that you made a mistake.
She notices the way your face shifts and shapes itself into something that doesn't reflect the beautiful day or the crispness of the autumn air. You smile and lie to her, you say that you're fine -- the way you always have. You'll lay down next to her and watch the sunlight peek through the branches.
Your hands are entwined but not clasped together. Your fingers and her fingers engage in a dance, lightly touching each knuckle, following the lines in her palm, you're getting to know her hands with your hands, absent of sight.
You speak in soft tones and quiet voices like you're in a crowded room or a bar. You'll take turns telling stories to each other about past lives and former glories. You'll laugh about how you feel old but you haven't even lived yet. Then she'll ask you about that stirring in your stomach, no it isn't making a noise but your obvious discomfort is unsettling.
So then you'll tell her. The truth. For once.
You'll tell her how scared you've been for the past couple of days. The way you've been feeling, waking up next to her, and sort of, well, just looking at her sleep so soundly. You'll tell her that there's something inside of you that warms up when she opens her eyes for a second and smiles before she falls back asleep.
You tell her how you've felt alone your whole life [because you have] and how she makes you feel a little less alone. You tell her that you aren't used to this, that you're afraid and terrified and you're trying your best, yes, you are trying your best to tell her that
you are in love with her.
But instead you'll yank the phone out of your pocket and play a song you've been listening to every morning for weeks. It will play and you'll close your eyes and sing along:
In the morning, you are the daybreak and I am glad. And at night, you are the dream I fall asleep to have.
She'll smile. Turn towards you. And kiss you. And it'll feel like the first time. And you'll smile.