My Story Riding hard across the plain, ignoring the blury landscape, I focus my gaze on the vista before me. For two days I've travelled with a single purpose knowing full well that I'm in over my head. She needs a hero, but instead she's getting me. I'm nobody, just a nondescript shadow. Others have gone before me, real heroes. People that do this stuff for a living. Nobody even knows I'm out here, plus I don't even know how to fight! Yet I'm riding full speed on a stolen horse and wielding a stolen sword. Those others? Nobody knows, rumors are all I've heard. They became dragon chow, killed by a terrible ogre, the princess herself is brutal witch that consumed their flesh...stupid stuff really. I only ever saw her once and was captivated by her. Grace and a humble demeanor. A natural beauty that couldn't be denied. I'm not like the others, my motives aren't pure or chivalrous, I just want to see her again. This time face to face. I can see the castle in the distance, it's a good thing too. This horse can't go on much further. As I get closer I notice that there are no guards, no watch patrolling. Brutal witch? Of course not! Its just my nerves. Still, the fact that there seems to be no security and the drawbridge is down doesn't seem right. Even the gate is open... I stop just before the drawbridge and dismount. I draw the sword and then the poor horse collapses. I'm gonna need another horse. As i cautiously walk across the bridge, I take in my surroundings. There's some dark water in that moat and did I just see something move in it?? That princess better be worth it! I hurry across with fear of a tentacle or something equally slimy dragging me under. I can't swim so that would make my day lousy. Once inside the gate I look in awe at the size of the cathedral like room I'm in and I notice the bodies. I guess these are the heroes, now there just dead. The stench is horrible, like rust and decay. They lay where they fell, in various states of decomposition. I turn to leave but the gate drops shut and the drawbridge is slowly and noisely raised. Oh great, now I'm trapped! What the hell was I thinking! She better at least give me a kiss. I hear measured footsteps on the balcony behind me. I turn to see a regal looking elderly chap that looks like he belongs in a beer commercial...if I knew what a beer commercial was. "So, you're next" he says in an ominous voice. I gather up my courage and puff out my chest and say. "Yes." ...did my voice just crack??? I wanted to sound intimidating and instead I sound like I'm going through puberty! It doesn't help that he's looking at me like I'm an idiot. The gate rises and the drawbridge drops behind me. "Just go! I will not waste my time with you, cretin!" "Look, I didn't just kill my horse trying to get here to be insulted by some arrogant windbag, I came to claim me a princess! So ya gonna stay up there all day yappin or are we gonna do this?" Yea, that made me sound like a badass! And my voice didn't crack this time! I'd like to say that he looked at me with an expression of unbalanced rage, but it was more like...pity. "Come up if you're that eager to die" Ok, that was intimidating. But i can do this, I just have to believe...What am I saying??? He's gonna kill me!! That princess better...later, think about it later. I walk up the stairs to the balcony and down a hallway lined with suits of armor holding various weapons. I look at one a little closer and see that the visor is up. Empty, its just for show. However the next one has a rotting skull inside! What the hell, a freaking rotting skull!! "These are opponents that presented me a challenge. As you can see, there's room for one more. I doubt it will be you" Ok, now I'm insulted! I rush him screaming like a mad man! He stands his ground, not even raising his sword. As i close the gap he side steps and pushes me into a suit of armor. I lose my balance and fall hard, head first into it.The impact knocks loose the heavy halbard in its hand and crashes into the head of the castles master. He stumbles back with a look of surprise on what's left of his face. He falls forward but the halbard keeps him standing upright. "Who's the cretin now, bitch?" Boom, I'm getting good at this! At the end of the hall I see a large ornate door and I figure she's in there. I walk up to it and knock...she might be naked after all. Heroes don't walk in on naked women...but I'm no hero. Hehehe. No answer. I open the door and look inside. It's a beautiful room, all kinds of furniture. Bureaus, dressers, mirrors, and windows as tall as me. In the center of the room is a large bed, covered with curtains. I take two steps before I feel my right foot sink a little. Then I feel the sharp pain of something hitting me, passing through me, tearing out a piece of me. I hear the sound of an arrow hitting the door behind me. I fall to my knees as I see one of the curtains open. It's her! The look of grave concern on her face tells me my injury must be worse than it feels. She runs to me and helps me to sit up against her bed. I look at her and feel my heart begin to beat faster. She runs to the door and looks into the hall to see my accidental handywork. She runs back to me and tries her best to tend my wound, but the amount of blood on the floor tells us that it may be too late. My vision starts to dim and my throat feels dry. I can't speak, I just want her to kiss me before I go... The room has gone dark but I feel her lean forward... Yes, my dying wish... I can feel her breathe just above my lips... SONUVABITCH!! I died!!!